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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29609148">Six Crows React</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kazofthebroken/pseuds/Kazofthebroken'>Kazofthebroken</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Crooked kingdom, Run and Rising, Shadow and Bone, Siege and Storm, Six of Crows - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kaz is bad at feelings, Kaz swears alot, M/M, Matthias Helvar Lives, Multi, No beta we die like Matthias, everyone does, tiny bit of romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:29:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,697</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29609148</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kazofthebroken/pseuds/Kazofthebroken</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I have transferred my work over from Wattpad with edits and everything else that is important. Except, for the summary, it needs to be changed and updated.  </p><p>We welcome everyone to a terrible story between the Six Crows and others, where they rate ships and end relationships, as well as break other people's hearts. We'll start off with characters reacting to ships and then playing "Fuck, Marry, Kill" and there will be some random chapters for shit and giggles. </p><p>Inej's parents will be coming in with the "Fuck, Marry, Kill" chapters, and Colm, well let's just say the Crows need an adult who isn't prone to get shot with a bullet for this.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Inej Ghafa &amp; Kuwei Yul-Bo, Inej Ghafa &amp; Nina Zenik, Inej Ghafa &amp; Wylan Van Eck, Jesper Fahey &amp; Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker &amp; Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker &amp; Jesper Fahey &amp; Inej Ghafa &amp; Matthias Helvar &amp; Wylan Van Eck &amp; Nina Zenik, Kaz Brekker &amp; Matthias Helvar, Kaz Brekker &amp; Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>204</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Crows Opinions on Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Crows Opinions on Life</p>
<p>Kaz: I don't like it. Unless it is kruge.</p>
<p>Jesper: Well now that I have Van Sunshine, I can see the light that wasn't always there.</p>
<p>Inej: I like life because all my friends are alive right Matthias.</p>
<p>Matthias: *Chuckling nervously* Yeah life is great.</p>
<p>Nina: As long as we all live minus Kaz, we would all be fine.</p>
<p>Wylan: Kaz was expecting hell, we are all dead. I like life though, it's good. I've had a few lessons on pickpocketing and I'm good at it.</p>
<p>Kaz: I guess I should feel targeted, but I'm not yet I want to shoot someone.</p>
<p>Matthias: I love you all. Except for Kaz. I can live without Kaz.</p>
<p>Inej: This is supposed to be about life. </p>
<p>Matthias: Yes...and it is about life. I can live a good life without Kaz in it. </p>
<p>Jesper: Same</p>
<p>Nina: Agreed</p>
<p>Wylan. I guess</p>
<p>Inej: I don't care.</p>
<p>Kaz: Oh well we're all going to hell I guess. So it doesn't matter.</p>
<p>Matthias: Our views on life are biased.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yes they are. We all had different lives growing up which affects how we think about the world and what decisions we make in the future. Which then causes a person to turn out a certain way. Or act differently.  So do not take advice from us or ask our views on something because of how biased we are to it. </p>
<p>Kaz: I will now proceed to explain every way we are biased to this life.</p>
<p>Kaz: Jesper had grown up suppressing who he was, not letting anyone know to what extent his abilities went to. Then, as he got older he witnessed his mother, who passed down the gene that gave him his abilities, who had been killed for having the abilities.  He then grew up with his father and ended up having a gambling problem that was quite nasty. He went to college for a few months and then got stuck gambling out all his money. He later joined the dregs and became a right-hand man.</p>
<p>Jesper: Cut out Kaz, no life stories, just opinions.<br/>
Kaz: Fine for now I shall stop. </p>
<p>Matthias: Why do I still work for you?<br/>
Kaz: I don't know, I mean I gave you the option to go with Nina, in fact, I would've preferred if you did go with Nina. I don't want to deal with your annoying ass.<br/>
Nina: I hope you all enjoyed it. </p>
<p>All the crows: Good-bye hoes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Kaz x Inej</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Crows rate Kaz x Inej.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz: Fuck you, Jesper, I know this is revenge for outing you yesterday!</p>
<p>Jesper: Hey! I would never do that!</p>
<p>Inej: We're trying to be in a relationship, but it's difficult. I think we can make it work though.</p>
<p>Kaz: I think we can too.</p>
<p>Nina: Did Kaz just...awwww that's so cute!</p>
<p>Jesper: Nina I think you might want to cool it Kaz looks pissed.</p>
<p>Wylan: No darling, Kaz is simply embarrassed that he admitted that to us.</p>
<p>Inej: We are still working on breaking down all of our walls and armor and it's a slow process but we're getting there. I mean at least now we can hold hands without his gloves on. </p>
<p>Matthias: I'm just going to say this, anyone who would get with the demjin is an idiot and thinks that life is meaningless. So, they are just waiting to die by Kaz's hands. Sorry Inej, I just had to point out the obvious.</p>
<p>Matthias: We are all going to hell, but you are Lucifer so, let us leave already.</p>
<p>Jesper: I had to bring Kaz ice cream one day since his room is like lava spewing magma.</p>
<p>Kaz: I think you got the two words magma and lava switched, bitch.</p>
<p>Wylan: I think it's like that appreciative type of relationship, like how they respect each other.</p>
<p>Nina: Yeah, like how Kaz, "Respect's his investments." ya got it.</p>
<p>Kaz: Go to hell Zenik. I'm apparently "socially awkward" according to that "therapist".</p>
<p> Nina: Why the quotation marks around the word therapist?</p>
<p>Jesper: That is a good question.</p>
<p>Kaz: I'm pretty sure that that therapist is trying to get me killed or was hired to kill me. Mostly because of the fact that they gave me medicine that my doctor did not prescribe. And yes, before anyone asks, I do have a doctor.</p>
<p>Wylan: Isn't that illegal to do?</p>
<p>Inej: It's Ketterdam.</p>
<p>Matthias: What else is new?</p>
<p>Nina: Agreed.</p>
<p>Jesper: We have done some pretty bad shit, that is worse than taking unprescribed medicine. Wait, Kaz did you take the medicine?</p>
<p>Kaz:....</p>
<p>Inej: Oh my Saints.</p>
<p>Nina: Well I have to collect bet money, hand it over, Mattie.</p>
<p>Matthias: Fine.</p>
<p>Kaz: Wait, you two were betting on whether or not I would take unprescribed medicine for depression?</p>
<p>Nina: Yep! And I won since I said, "Kaz does not take care of himself on a regular day and just because the medicine isn't prescribed will stop him, especially if it is known to reduce headaches."</p>
<p>Kaz: Wow fuck you.</p>
<p>Inej: That was an interesting back and forth and Kaz I'm coming to take that medicine away later. And don't act surprised you are the definition of self-neglect. Anyways, I think we all agree with this ship's flaws and all.</p>
<p>Nina: I have to agree. But we ran out of time so, hit it Wylan.</p>
<p>Wylan: Hope you all enjoyed it and-</p>
<p>All the crows: Goodbye hoes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please remember that I'm trying to make it seem like the Crows are reacting to it in their own opinions. Sorry for any grammatical errors, I pre-write the chapters a day in advance in I almost forgot to write this own yesterday, so I ended up writing it at like 10:30 pm.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Wesper</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz:...This makes no sense they're already together.</p>
<p>Inej: Yes they are, but we're reacting to them.</p>
<p>Matthias: 10/10. If you hurt them I'll kill you.</p>
<p>Nina: I have to agree. Wylan is too pure for this world.</p>
<p>Kaz: Pure? He tried to poison me yesterday.</p>
<p>Jesper: What did you do to him?</p>
<p>Kaz: Nothing!</p>
<p>Wylan: Kaz if adding sugar to your coffee almost kills you, go to a fucking Doctor.</p>
<p>Nina:...</p>
<p>Inej:...</p>
<p>Matthias: Sugar?</p>
<p>Kaz:...Shut up Helvar, I can practically hear your smug ass face.</p>
<p>Jesper: Well...Kaz, it's like...sugar.</p>
<p>Inej: Nina is laughing her ass off. </p>
<p>Kaz: I have to give this ship a high rating, but seriously you hurt Wylan I'll tear you limb from limb and then keep you alive long enough to force you to eat all of your loved ones and then yourself.</p>
<p>Wylan: What about Jes...</p>
<p>Kaz: I'll wait for them to bring him back of their own free will.</p>
<p>Inej: Kaz...no.</p>
<p>Nina: No Inej, I want to see where this goes.</p>
<p>Kaz: Zenik you seem to forget that I can easily dispose of you as well.</p>
<p>Matthias: Come near her and I'll kill you.</p>
<p>Kaz: Helvar, I have your wolf friend, Trassel, I think his name is.</p>
<p>Matthias: How?</p>
<p>Kaz: I attract a lot of animals. All I had to do was go outside the place where you "disappeared" from and hang up an item of your clothing.</p>
<p>Nina:...</p>
<p>Jesper: How did you get the...</p>
<p>Wylan: Clothes?</p>
<p>Kaz: Don't ask it was a very easy task, but I don't want to explain. Also, I believe I have a meeting in a minute or two so...</p>
<p>Matthias: I got it guys. Stay safe, have a good day, and remember if you see a small teenager trying to play God with the world dressed like a person of class...shoot them.</p>
<p>Kaz:...Ok. Fuck you dickhead. </p>
<p>All the crows: Goodbye hoes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a heads up that on Tuesdays I will have filler chapters from now on in a different book filled with little stories. Because I have a lot of work to do on Tuesdays.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Ninej</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nina x Inej</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nina: I can appreciate this ship. </p>
<p>Inej: I'd give it a shot...I guess. </p>
<p>Kaz: Yea right Inej, you were always going on about how much you want to braid her hair and do other "things".</p>
<p>Jesper: Kaz has just spilled tea.</p>
<p>Nina: Wait, really?</p>
<p>Kaz: Trust me there is more than just that...but I'm not that evil.</p>
<p>Wylan: You got scared when I spiked the punch at a Christmas Party. </p>
<p>Kaz: No I was amazed that you did. Since you act like an innocent little cinnamon roll but you know how to build a bomb.</p>
<p>Jesper: On topic, Inej and Nina would make a great couple. They complement each other. </p>
<p>Matthias: Like how Inej is level headed, and Nina is a reckless little shit.</p>
<p>Wylan: I can agree there.</p>
<p>Nina: I'm not that reckless but yeah...I would give it a shot.</p>
<p>Inej: It would be interesting considering you like physical contact a lot and sometimes I need my own space. But I'd make time.</p>
<p>Kaz: I can agree with this ship honestly. Its better then...one that I won't mention. *Sweats profusely at the thought of ______ x ______* Since there are some crazy ones out there.</p>
<p>Matthias: Kaz has a point actually. We've all seen some shit but some of the stuff fans ship is fucking disgusting.</p>
<p>Inej: Agreed. Also Kaz I think I know what ship you're talking about and fucking hell they ship that!?</p>
<p>Kaz: When Inej swears you're doen for.</p>
<p>Nina and Jesper: Same. *Look at each other* Jinks you owe me a beer!</p>
<p>Wylan: Make that all of us agree. </p>
<p>Kaz: Some of you people are sick fucks. And for those who don't know what I'm talking about, bless your innocence. </p>
<p>Nina: Alright then-</p>
<p>All of the crows: Goodbye hoes, and stay safe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Nothing much other to say I hate school and sleep is for the weak.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Nina x Matthias</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Helnik</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz: Same thing as Wesper...THEY ARE LITERALLY STILL TOGETHER!</p>
<p>Inej: Calm yourself angsty boi.</p>
<p>Kaz: Never. Also, what do they call this?</p>
<p>Jesper: How does, who call what?</p>
<p>Kaz: You know the crazy fangirls, boys, fans in general. What do they call Nina x Matthias, since that's a mouthful?</p>
<p>Matthias: I have to agree we are together and I don't know if Nina will ever let me go.</p>
<p>Nina: I never will.</p>
<p>Kaz: Is no one going to answer me?</p>
<p>Wylan: Have you guys ever wondered why people have to state the obvious...?</p>
<p>Jesper:...Wylan please don't ask those questions, you know Kaz goes on rants.</p>
<p>Wylan: Sorry, just wondering.</p>
<p>Kaz: You want a rant I'll give you a rant.</p>
<p>Matthias: So yeah...our reactions are all "meh," we've seen it before.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yeah...also why are people fucked up? Like you would think people have morals?</p>
<p>Nina: Kaz do you have morals?</p>
<p>Kaz: Well yes, I don't hurt kids I may threaten them but only enough so they leave me alone. Then again I will pretend to threaten a kid if it could help my situation. I'm most likely to kill pedophiles more than others. So, yes I have morals, not very good morals they should probably be tweaked but Inej is helping with that.</p>
<p>Wylan: Ok, what were you going to say earlier?</p>
<p>Inej: Kaz, don't do it.</p>
<p>Kaz: Kaz yes. People tend to do shitty things to others without reason, right? So why do people not do good things in return for nothing, like they always want something in return?</p>
<p>Nina: Those words...came out of Kaz Brekker's mouth...</p>
<p>Jesper: WHERE IS OUR KAZ? WHERE DID YOU TAKE HIM YOU DEMON!</p>
<p>Wylan: Wouldn't it be an angel? Since Kaz is a demon.</p>
<p>All the crows except for Kaz who is still asking impossible to answer questions to nothing: ...wait what the actual fuck.</p>
<p>Matthias: HE ISNT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS! WHO BROKE HIM!</p>
<p>Nina: I DON'T KNOW AKS INEJ!</p>
<p>Inej:...I don't know.</p>
<p>All the crows are now broken. </p>
<p>Kaz: It worked...it worked. I broke them...they won't talk anymore. No more annoying questions, just silence. and they won't ignore me anymore fuck that bitch.</p>
<p>Nothing makes a sound for a minute.</p>
<p>Kaz: The ship is lovely but I'm afraid I don't want chaos for once. So goodbye, stay safe, and have a wonderful night, morning, or afternoon, just have a wonderful day in general. And goodbye hoes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Saturday is my birthday so depending on my mood Ill either not update or give a special. If I do decided to do the special please recommend a ship for the crows to react to.<br/>Thanks.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Kaz x Jesper</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kaz x Jesper</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jesper: Well I mean I think I would dat-</p><p>Kaz: FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT. I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS!</p><p>Nina: *Laughing her ass off* I-is there no official name for this ship?</p><p>Wylan: It varies on whether people want Kaz to bottom. Or if they want him on top.</p><p>Inej: Personally, Kaz seems submissive.</p><p>Kaz: INEJ WHY?</p><p>Nina: *Still laughing her ass off* Oh oh my god, is it, Jespaz. </p><p>Matthias: A) Kaz is pure bottom and b) Jespaz is more like Kasper. </p><p>Jesper: I would date Kaz if maybe he was shy about demanding certain things. Like if he wanted cuddles. Oh yeah, that brings another point up I love skin-to-skin contact...Kaz not so much.</p><p>Inej: Kaz pays the bills and that's why he is obsessed with money. Kaz built the Dregs up from scratch. He worries about not having enough when the bills come around. I'm pretty sure the Kerch government is increasing the amount of money he needs to pay.</p><p>Kaz: *Wondering why life hates him* Inej I love money. I love a lot of things. None of those things are loved sexually. Especially not Jesper, Jesper is like Jordie. If any of you ask me who Jordie is, let's have a friendly chat outside.</p><p>Wylan: Kasper, I sort of ship it. I mean, Kaz is like begging for attention and Jesper can give him that attention, so why not?</p><p>Matthias: So we all agree that this ship's name is Kasper.</p><p>Inej: Yea</p><p>Nina: *Coming down from a laughing high* Y-yea agreed.</p><p>Wylan: I have expressed my love for it.</p><p>Jesper: Kaz is bottoming?</p><p>Nina and Inej: Yes.</p><p>Jesper: Count me in.</p><p>Kaz: I hate you all. You will all burn in hell. Now I feel as though I need to out someone else. </p><p>All crows minus Kaz: NO!</p><p>Kaz: Alright. I won't for now.</p><p>Jesper: I hope you all enjoyed reading about Kasper. Stay healthy and-</p><p>All crows: Goodbye hoes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ok update I will not be updating tomorrow or on Sunday I am very sorry the inconvenience I will just be busy with some things.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Kaz x Nina</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kaz x Nina.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Colm: Hello everyone, I have been summoned here to make sure no one does anything wrong.</p>
<p>Kaz: You can say that again...</p>
<p>Colm: Oh hush up and admit you've had fun.</p>
<p>Kaz: No.</p>
<p>Colm: I...Ok, I can't really force you to but I will if I have to later.</p>
<p>Kaz: Oh joy...</p>
<p>Colm: PLease be quiet, there is an announcement I have to make.</p>
<p>Kaz: Why should I?</p>
<p>Colm: Why? Why do I let you do this?</p>
<p>Kaz: I don't know.</p>
<p>Colm: Ok, well today will just be Kaz, Nina, Matthias, Inej, and I. Since Jesper and Wylan are busy. And from now on I shall appear in these reactions.</p>
<p>Kaz: Where is everyone else?</p>
<p>Colm: I don't know.</p>
<p>Kaz: You dumbass.</p>
<p>Clm: Kaz, listen to me I...I may be a dumbass sometimes, but at least I don't hide behind fake bravado.]</p>
<p>Kaz: Who said this was fake?</p>
<p>Colm: Have you looked at yourself boy?</p>
<p>Kaz: Just go get them.</p>
<p>Colm: Ok.</p>
<p>Kaz: While that is happening, I shall take over with the announcement. There was a note on the table from the....screw it, we have already fucked up the fourth wall. A note from the author saying that another work shall be done on Tuesday and it will be filler chapters for all Tuesdays. And in that new book, you can request certain things. Like if you want a new fandom chapter for something to be included, hell even any ideas. Yadda yadda, basically if you want to see different fandoms being written about head over there. </p>
<p>Colm: Done!</p>
<p>Matthias: Why the fuck is...oh</p>
<p>Nina: We're doing this again.</p>
<p>Colm: Yep!</p>
<p>Matthias: End me.</p>
<p>Inej: Matthias no.</p>
<p>Kaz: Matthias...we are not having a repeat. </p>
<p>Matthias: Bitch.</p>
<p>Kaz: I know.</p>
<p>Matthias: Smartass. Ok, but why did they bring Mr. Fahey here? Please tell me this reaction isn't between him and someone else.</p>
<p>Colm: No. It is not. However, Kaz and I have been given the layout of the next few reactions if no one recommends any so that no one feels pressured into having to comment.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yeah, unfortunately, I am scared about the upcoming agenda.</p>
<p>Inej: Then we should be even more scared.</p>
<p>Colm: Yep! Also, let's carry on with today's ship NINA X KAZ!</p>
<p>Nina: 0-0</p>
<p>Kaz: --_--</p>
<p>Matthias: O_O</p>
<p>Inej: This never could've worked.</p>
<p>Matthias: I can agree there they would rip each other to shreds....equally.</p>
<p>Nina:...</p>
<p>Kaz:...</p>
<p>Nina: YOu aren't wrong, but I feel like me and Kaz could've been chaotic evil best friends. </p>
<p>Kaz: Oh, most definitely.</p>
<p>Matthias: Fuck.</p>
<p>Inej: Well they are going to ruin life forever now.</p>
<p>Kaz: Who said we hadn't done that before?</p>
<p>Nina: Yeah, we could've burned down this whole city if we wanted to.</p>
<p>Colm: That is worrisome.</p>
<p>Matthias: Double fuck.</p>
<p>Inej: I still don't think this could've worked like in a dating sense best chaotic evil friends...well you two already act like best friends who are tired of the others bullshit.</p>
<p>Colm: Inej Ghafa, you swear?</p>
<p>Inej: On rare occasions and I think "bullshit" was the proper word to use there to describe how fucked anybody who crossed their paths would be. Since Kaz already kills people, Nina sometimes kills people. If you mess with one of them and they are best friends, you are respectfully fucked and no one will find your body.</p>
<p>Matthias: Couldn't agree more.</p>
<p>Colm: So I guess we all agree that they would work well as chaotic evil best friends and not in a relationship sense. </p>
<p>Nina: Correct and remember folks, stay safe, stay healthy wear a mask in public please, and...</p>
<p>Everybody-Colm:  And Goodbye Hoes</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for waiting, I want to thank puppy cat and HydraKween for commenting on different ships for the crows to react to! I hope you all had a lovely day and more information was in the chapter. Thanks again, leave a comment if you want to see a different ship.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Kaz x Wylan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kaz x Wylan not in the traditional sense.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jesper:...Kaz, I will kill you if you touch my boyfriend.</p>
<p>Inej: Makes sense that you would kill him, but then I would have to kill you.</p>
<p>Kaz: Oh ok. Umm, how to explain this…. I don’t know Mr. Fahey explain it now.</p>
<p>Colm: Ok this ship isn’t a ship like the other ships, this ship is Kaz as Wylan’s adoptive father and Wylan is his kid. </p>
<p>Nina: Why does that make sense.</p>
<p>Matthias: Because Wylan is copying and learning everything that he can from watching the Demjin.</p>
<p>Wylan: I do not!</p>
<p>Kaz: I want popcorn.</p>
<p>Nina: Same, I can’t wait for them to figure out that you already adopted him. Without him knowing since he is dyslexic and thought that the document he signed was signing him up for the dregs.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yep. I knew you would figure it out, but I thought Inej would at least think so.</p>
<p>Inej: I...Kaz...wow.</p>
<p>Colm: Welcome to parenthood Revitald!</p>
<p>Kaz: O-O</p>
<p>Nina: Who?</p>
<p>Colm: Kaz his name, it’s Kaz Revitald.</p>
<p>Kaz: O_O</p>
<p>Colm: What?</p>
<p>Kaz: HoW DiD YOu KnOW ThAT?</p>
<p>Jesper: That voice crack though.</p>
<p>Kaz: SHut UP Jesper.</p>
<p>Colm: I was friends with a farmer whose last name was Revitald we would make trades and I knew that he had two son’s and I doubt anyone from Ketterdam who didn’t already know a Revitald would randomly give me a family name. Also after his death, his two kids Jordie and Kaz (ahem) moved to Ketterdam. </p>
<p>Kaz: I just got freaking out. Wait freaking! Freaking! WHY CAN’T I SAY FREAKING!</p>
<p>Colm: Oh yea that reminds me the note on the table said something like no swears in this chapter since I have to write it on school property in the middle of class. Which by the way is why I’m busy and school is a….female dog.</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh that sucks.</p>
<p>Matthias: Agreed and Mr. Fahey…</p>
<p>Colm: Yes?</p>
<p>Matthias: If you know any more about Kaz please out him so he knows what it feels like.</p>
<p>Colm: I don’t know what happened to make the sweet little chocolate milk brown big-eyed kid turn into a beady-eyed mob boss.</p>
<p>Kaz: I like that description.</p>
<p>Colm: I thought you might sonny.</p>
<p>Kaz: Don’t even try to adopt me since I adopted Wylan and if you adopted me I would become Jesper’s brother meaning that Wylan and he couldn’t date since he would his nephew and that would be Alabama style.</p>
<p>Nina: The bird has a point.</p>
<p>Inej: No Nina the crow has a point.</p>
<p>Nina: Nah I feel like he would quote “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe so the raven has a point in saying nevermore.</p>
<p>Matthias: I feel like this is a strange occult.</p>
<p>Wylan: Because it is. </p>
<p>Jesper: The occult is based on making nicknames for Kaz….</p>
<p>Wylan: Pa he takes care of all of us so Pa/Dad.</p>
<p>Jesper: True he does but maybe Ma/Mom would be better since I feel like he would make us sandwiches and send us off to school with a packed lunch.</p>
<p>Colm: Oh dear.</p>
<p>Kaz: Excuse me but I am a parent or a dad and don’t try to conform me to such a mortal thing as gender, especially since the law mostly says he or she therefore me identifying as a he/they makes me above the law.</p>
<p>Jesper: Slay King!</p>
<p>Nina: Yay you roll.</p>
<p>Matthias: I did not expect that but nice.</p>
<p>Inej: I did not know that Kaz, I am so sorry if I have offended you in any way shape, or form.</p>
<p>Kaz: You didn’t ангел I usually just let people call me by male pronouns it doesn’t upset me that much. </p>
<p>Matthas: “ангел” means angel.</p>
<p>Nina: Kaz is a sap!</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh my god. That is so freaking adorable!</p>
<p>Wylan: Agreed.</p>
<p>Colm: Ok all of you let’s get back on track even though it is adorable watching Kanej evolve we must rate this. </p>
<p>Wylan: Right you’re right.</p>
<p>Jesper: Well Kaz had stated earlier as did Nina that Kaz already has adopted Wylan meaning, we agree with Kaz and Wylan having a father/son relationship. </p>
<p>Matthias: I think we all agree. </p>
<p>Colm: I feel like in the future Kaz will be a stay-at-home husband taking care of like three kids excluding Wylan since he and Jes will probably get married. And Inej will be out on the sea and come home after freeing slaves, and when she gets home she has trinkets for the kids and Kaz. </p>
<p>Nina: Why does that sound so accurate yet not accurate at the same time.</p>
<p>Matthias: I...so Kaz is like a trophy husband who knows how to cook and clean to doing regular work to provide for his kids. And Inej is that adventurous wife who the husband doesn’t want to clip her wings. And let her live her life to the fullest.</p>
<p>Wylan: I like that idea. Not gonna lie that sounds cute.</p>
<p>Jesper: Agreed.</p>
<p>Inej: So I’m like the dominant? </p>
<p>Kaz: O_O</p>
<p>Jesper:....wait</p>
<p>Matthias: That is exactly what I meant.</p>
<p>Inej: So I get to peg Kaz. </p>
<p>Kaz: Why God why?</p>
<p>Nina: That sounds nice. Plus Kaz probably has soft pecs.</p>
<p>Matthias: Hey! What about my pecs?</p>
<p>Nina: They are just as nice, but you have rockhard abs which get in the way but Kaz probably has an overall soft body.</p>
<p>Kaz: Why. just why do you think that?</p>
<p>Nina: I don’t think I know, those lotions in your bathroom are amazing for soothing the skin and making it nice and supple.</p>
<p>Kaz: My bathroom...HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET INTO MY BATHROOM!</p>
<p>Inej: That is a good question and Nina, Kaz is mine so back off. </p>
<p>Nina: Hey don’t blame me but I am a bloodhound for expensive products like that. Especially lotions like the lotion Kaz uses to rub his limping leg. </p>
<p>Inej: What lotion does he use?</p>
<p>Kaz: Let’s change the subject!</p>
<p>Inej: NO DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT! Cuz’ you’re my favorite subject. </p>
<p>Nina: Dang that’s cute but so basically he uses a strawberry melon lotion. Which I don’t blame him for since it smells really good.</p>
<p>Inej: Wait how do you know that that’s the lotion for his leg?</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh my it seems we have gotten off track again.</p>
<p>Colm: Yes but for a good cause. </p>
<p>Jesper: I can confirm that Kaz’s hands even though they are long and you can feel his bones, his skin is soft, I know because I accidentally touched them once. Don’t ask how.</p>
<p>Kaz: I remember that I tried to break your jaw afterward.</p>
<p>Colm: What-</p>
<p>Kaz: Long story short your son thought it would be funny to steal my gloves and force me to hold hands with him.</p>
<p>Jesper: Ahh yes that was a wonderful day before I saw my life flash before my eyes.</p>
<p>Kaz: Anyways that is all for today we got so sidetracked that Inej and Nina are still discussing my….anyways have a good day and </p>
<p>Everybody-Inej and Nina- Goodbye hoes.</p>
<p>If you want to see Inej and Nina’s extended conversation please let me know.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for waiting and I now have my schedule for the next few weeks so from now on I'll take Tuesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays off. On those days you can request as much as you'd like.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. I'm sorry kaz x Jordie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I'm so sorry.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I got pissed last night and wrote this chapter. Tomorrow I will do the recommended ships for reaction and the crows plus Colm to most of the recommendations.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Colm: So the note says that the author was in a bad mood today and decided to piss off everyone who has read Six Of Crows and Crooked Kingdom. And before you question...this...this shit is a thing. And I don't know what to think. Oh and the note says that the requests will be doen tomorrow for a special with more than one reaction.</p>
<p>Kaz:...WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!</p>
<p>Inej: I-I understand this but no.</p>
<p>Colm: Agreed</p>
<p>The rest of the crows are confused about who Jordie is.</p>
<p>Kaz is throwing all the chairs and screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs.  </p>
<p>Jesper: Wait...you mean the person Kaz called me that time we got into a fight?</p>
<p>Colm: To answer your question yes.</p>
<p>Nina: Well who is Jordie then...</p>
<p>Matthias: I have no fucking clue but watching Kaz throw this shit like it's nothing is hilarious.</p>
<p>Wylan: I brought popcorn, want some?</p>
<p>Matthias and Nina nod their heads and start eating popcorn.</p>
<p>Kaz: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE HE IS DEAD! HE HAS BEEN FOR LIKE 9 FUCKING YEARS YOU PIECES OF SHIT! Why Why why just why would someone do this just why.</p>
<p>Inej: Kaz...explain to the others who he is. NOW!</p>
<p>Kaz stops throwing shit and looks at Inej who is glaring at him.</p>
<p>Kaz: Fine. Jordie is my dead older brother.</p>
<p>Faces of disgust showed on everyone's faces. </p>
<p>Nina and Jesper: WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK!</p>
<p>Wylan: Why is this a thing...author?</p>
<p>Colm: Another note appeared that saus, "STOP BREAKING THE GOD DAMN FOURTH WALL! I DON'T KNOW ANYWAYS I'M NOT THE SICK MIND WHO CAME UP WITH IT." I think we should be glad the author also dislikes this ship.</p>
<p>Jesper: Wait does that mean that Kaz thinks of me as an older brother figure?</p>
<p>Kaz: NO! It does not mean that!</p>
<p>Wylan: Sorry K but I think it does.</p>
<p>Kaz: D-did you just abbreviate my name to the first letter...</p>
<p>Wylan: Yep.</p>
<p>Kaz: I'm- I'm done with this shit. Let's end this...we all agree that this is shit and we should be glad there is no fanart of it and-</p>
<p>All the crows: Stay safe, stay healthy, don't ship this shit, and goodbye hoes~!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Special Chapter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Crows will react to these four ships: Jesper x Inej, Kaz x Matthias, Matthias x Inej, and Wylan x Nina. The reason why I felt kind this sunny day, is because I want to get through the ships like it makes no sense like the Flash. Also, because I want to go over to the Fuck, Marry, Kill chapters since that will be more interesting.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Jesper x Inej </strong>
</p>
<p>Kaz: Jesper you better back the fuck away from Inej.</p>
<p>Colm: Oh no...</p>
<p>Inej: Why'd you say oh no?</p>
<p>Jesper: Or what Kaz, you gonna hit me with your cane? Oh, wait Matthias took it earlier.</p>
<p>Kaz: You bitch!</p>
<p>Matthias: They're going to fight with their fists, aren't they?</p>
<p>Nina: Yep.</p>
<p>Wylan: Jesper, don't aim for the leg!</p>
<p>Inej: Kaz! Don't punch his face!</p>
<p>Nina: I'm going to go get snacks.</p>
<p>Matthias: Mind if I join?</p>
<p>Nina: Nope.</p>
<p>~~~~20 minutes lateer~~~~</p>
<p>Colm: Alright I've had enough of this...BOYS STOP FIGHTING NOW OR ELSE I'LL LOCK YOU TWO IN THE SAME ROOM UNTIL YOU FUCKING MAKE UP!</p>
<p>Kaz: 0-0</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh shit he swore.</p>
<p>Kaz: Truce?</p>
<p>Jesper: Truce. Besides, Inej is like a sister to me.</p>
<p>Kaz: You could've just said that and this wouldn't have happened, you know that, right?</p>
<p>Jesper: Yeah, but I wanted to make sure you were as protective as Inej is over you.</p>
<p>Kaz: I ripped out a man’s eye and have killed at least 20 people for her, probably more than 20.</p>
<p>Colm: Slightly concerning, but also sweet.</p>
<p>Matthias: Love birds.</p>
<p>Kaz: Snack food bitches.</p>
<p>Mathias: Short bitch.</p>
<p>Kaz: Tall ass motherfucking asshole.</p>
<p>Wylan: Why are they doing this?</p>
<p>Jesper: It's a sign of mutual respect for the next ship.</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Kaz x Matthias</strong>
</p>
<p>Kaz: No.</p>
<p>Matthias: I agree.</p>
<p>Jesper: So you just respect each other?</p>
<p>Kaz: Yes.</p>
<p>Matthias: I'll admit the <em>demjin</em> has earned my respect.</p>
<p>Colm: I think the fanart would be cute though.</p>
<p>Kaz: Oh you mean because of the height difference of like 2 inches.</p>
<p>Colm:...No</p>
<p>Matthias: He did.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yep, totally did.</p>
<p>Colm: OK fine I did! But in my defense, Kaz is probably shorter without his boots on!</p>
<p>Jesper: I...are you suggesting</p>
<p>Nina: That KAZ wears HEELED BOOTS?</p>
<p>Inej: Kaz are you wearing heeled boots?</p>
<p>Kaz: Ha no.</p>
<p>Matthias: No he doesn't, but he does have a smaller foot size than you would think.</p>
<p>Kaz: How the fuck did you....no you know what no. You and Nina stop sneaking into my room when I'm not there. </p>
<p>Nina: No, you steal my chocolate waffles I just know it.</p>
<p>Kaz: Wait...that's Wylan who does that you bitch!</p>
<p>Colm: They respect each other, Kaz and Matthias. That's all they will ever do.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Matthias x Inej</strong>
</p>
<p>Matthias: No.</p>
<p>Inej: Agreed.</p>
<p>Nina: It would never work.</p>
<p>Kaz: Inej is mine.</p>
<p>Inej: Aww Kaz you're like a little kitty.</p>
<p>Wylan: Why a kitty?</p>
<p>Jesper: Don't worry Inej, I know a few reasons. </p>
<p>Inej: Oh ok then.</p>
<p>Jesper: OK reason number one, Kaz sleeps in the weirdest places. </p>
<p>Wylan: Oh yeah I once saw him asleep on top of the fridge.</p>
<p>Jesper: Trust me that one is, not the strangest. Reason number two he only wants love and affection from one person who is truly loyal.</p>
<p>Wylan: That would be Inej.</p>
<p>Jesper: Yes. Reason number three he hisses at people who he does not like.</p>
<p>Wylan:...He hissed at Pekka Rollins and my dad.</p>
<p>Kaz: He's not your dad!</p>
<p>Colm: I like how you aren't denying any of this.</p>
<p>Kaz: Why would I, it's true.</p>
<p>Nina: Dirtypaws!</p>
<p>Matthias: What?</p>
<p>Kaz: What?</p>
<p>Inej: Oh my saints.</p>
<p>Nina: If Kaz ever got a cat he would name it Dirtypaws.</p>
<p>Jesper: Well, probably.</p>
<p>Colm: Alright last ship.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Wylan x Nina</strong>
</p>
<p>Kaz: I think the only thing that needs to be said is no.</p>
<p>Matthias: They are only going to be friends. </p>
<p>Inej: Nothing else.</p>
<p>Jesper: Wylan is dating me and Nina is with Matthias.</p>
<p>Wylan: Plus I'm gay so that would not have worked anyway.</p>
<p>Nina: I fucking agree there.</p>
<p>Colm: Yeah, this is pretty strange.</p>
<p>Kaz: So we all fucking agree that they would only be friends and nothing more. </p>
<p>Inej: Yes, yes we do.</p>
<p>Matthias: Yeah, this is definitely a strange thing to ship.</p>
<p>Colm: Agreed so anyways, hope you all have  a wonderful day and,</p>
<p>
  <strong>All the Crows-Colm: Goodbye hoes!</strong>
</p>
<p>Colm: I still think we should change it.</p>
<p>Jesper: Da we left already come on.</p>
<p>Colm: Ok fine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry about the chapter before this one, I got mad at one of my teachers in the middle of class since it was early in the morning and he was pushing my buttons already. So, I wrote the whole chapter during his class as revenge. Anyway, remember you can comment on any ships you want the crows to react to even if it's three-way ships. Have a good day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. I don't know why Kaz x Pekka</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck life Kaz x Pekka</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Colm: Okay so the author's note says I freaking hate this.</p>
<p>Kaz:...It says "fucking".</p>
<p>Colm:...I know.</p>
<p>Inej: I think we all hate it.</p>
<p>Colm: Hopefully.</p>
<p>Jesper: Wha...is going on?</p>
<p>Nina: Why does that matter? We get to tease Kaz about his past now!</p>
<p>Matthias: It would be interesting to learn more about the demjin.</p>
<p>Wylan:*nods his head slowly while watching Kaz argue with the author's note left for him*</p>
<p>Kaz: I hate the author. So basically of you want the author can post a back up chapter about well it's a character analysis of...md. Fucking hell this isn't over yet, anyways who is the next-</p>
<p>Jesper:*wheeze laughing*</p>
<p>Matthias:*trying to find out what is wrong with humanity*</p>
<p>Nina: What the hell...don't they hate each other?</p>
<p>Inej:*Also contemplating life*</p>
<p>Colm: Oh! Sorry about that it's actually even worse then that, I messed up the title, it's Pekka Rollins x Young Kaz.</p>
<p>Kaz: What is wrong with everyone? Like no, why? Why? WHY GODAMNIT TELL ME WHY PEOPLE DO THIS I HATE HIM WITH EVERY CELL OF MY GOD DAMN BODY, AND HOW YOUNG AM I SUPPOSED TO BE? </p>
<p>Colm: Well the author's note says this "well you see people used Kaz's past interactions with him, so around maybe 6-8 years of age." Why?</p>
<p>Kaz.exe has stopped responding. Do you wish to try again?</p>
<p>Jesper: WAIT PAST INTERACTIONS I KNOW KAZ'S HATES HIM BUT ISN'T BECAUSE OF TURF AND ALL THAT!</p>
<p>Colm: I think the author decided to make an appearance for this one.</p>
<p>Author: Ok, if one more person yells I am permanently deleting you and or bringing the person who you hate and they hate you here and lock you in a room together.</p>
<p>Everyone:*Dead silence*</p>
<p>Author: Ok, then that is good. So basically it's not about turf, I mean it sort of is but Kaz blames Pekka for his brothers death. With good reason to, considering the fact that Pekka swindled them and kicked them on the streets. Where Kaz and Jordie couldn't afford to do anything not even seen Kaz to a school.</p>
<p>Kaz: Ok, I have wondered what school is like.</p>
<p>The rest of the crows and Colm stare awkwardly at Kaz who hadn't realized he said that bit out loud.</p>
<p>Matthias: How do you work with numbers well if you haven't been to a school?</p>
<p>Kaz: Natural genius.</p>
<p>Author: Ok, so thats done now I must go, goodbye.</p>
<p>Kaz:...What</p>
<p>Inej: Oh saints</p>
<p>Nina: What the fuck.</p>
<p>Matthias: Don't tell me.</p>
<p>Wylan: Is the author serious right now.</p>
<p>Jesper: Deadly so I think.</p>
<p>Colm: I can pay for a school tuition if you want?</p>
<p>Kaz: NO</p>
<p>Inej: What would that look like?</p>
<p>The rest of the Crows, including Kaz, stare at Inej wondering what the hell is happening.</p>
<p>Wylan: what do you mean by, "What would that look like?"?</p>
<p>Inej: Oh I meant what would Kaz look like if he got through school and had a proper education.</p>
<p>Nina:*looks at Kaz* Doctor.</p>
<p>Wylan: Why?</p>
<p>Nina: he has steady hands.</p>
<p>Jesper: I can agree with that.</p>
<p>Colm: Same.</p>
<p>Inej:. I guess so.</p>
<p>Matthias: Damn Kaz just filling left do to this conversation...I mean we all agree this ship sucks so stay safe, wear your mask in public and </p>
<p>All of the crows: Goodbye you beautiful sons of bitchy hoes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So yes this is a thing. And my schedule is the same as last week so tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday I will not be updating. Thanks!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Per Haskell x Kaz</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck it after this you can request ships that include people from the Shadow and Bone trilogy and I already know that I suck at writing the characters from Shadow and Bone so fuck let's do it.</p>
<p>^1(a/n if you get this I love you)</p>
<p>^2(I know it doesn't state that in the book but well when they were younger and Jordie was alive it didn't state that. But it's Pekka Rollins so fuck him)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz:....No</p>
<p>Jesper: The hell</p>
<p>Matthias: *dead silence*</p>
<p>Nina: I'm reconsidering a few things.</p>
<p>Inej: Agreed</p>
<p>Wylan: Colm, when will the Author bring in the last three people?</p>
<p>Colm: The author will do it soon, as long as Kaz is okay with Jordie arriving with Pekka Rollins. As well as agreeing to not kill Pekka because he somehow might be needed.</p>
<p>Kaz:....yes.</p>
<p>Colm: Okay.</p>
<p>*With the power of writing I will bring Pekka Rollins, Per Haskell, and Jordie Revitald into the room, and for everyone's sake I aged Jordie up from 13 to 21 when Kaz was nine when Jordie died at thirteen and that's a four year age difference.*</p>
<p>*One by one they pop up*</p>
<p>Pekka: Why the fuck am I here? No better yet, how did I get here?</p>
<p>Haskell: Brekker's here, just don't question it.</p>
<p>Jordie: *creeped the fuck out since he's alive somehow*</p>
<p>Kaz starts to shuffle from foot to foot at the three new presences in the room.</p>
<p>Pekka: You're right Haskell, don't question anything Dirtyhands is involved in because then you'll end up taking the boot up your ass and getting kicked from your city.</p>
<p>Haskell: Thank you, sir....who are you boy? *Haskell looks at Jordie with a predatory gaze*</p>
<p>Kaz wants to run forward and hug his brother but stays at the back of the room, while the other Crows take notice.</p>
<p>Inej: *decides to take action* Kaz why don't you go talk to Jordie, it's been a while, hasn't it? YOu can tell him the rules and we'll tell Pekka and Per Haskell the rules.</p>
<p>Kaz looks up shocked. Jordie turned his head to the side. </p>
<p>Jordie: Kaz! He's alive! Where?</p>
<p>Kaz stepped forward hesitantly, his anxiety beginning to rise.</p>
<p>Jordie ran forward and swooped Kaz up in his arms and swung him around. </p>
<p>Jordie: It really has been a while! </p>
<p>Jordie frowns all of sudden, wondering why his brother weighed so little.</p>
<p>Kaz: J-Jordie?</p>
<p>Jordie: Kaz you weigh too little! I was hoping your eating habits would've gotten better over the years!</p>
<p>Jesper: Wait Jordie as in the person you called me once?</p>
<p>Kaz: Yes, haven't we been over this before Jesper?</p>
<p>Jesper: Probably.</p>
<p>Jordie: We look nothing like each other Kaz.</p>
<p>Kaz: Jordie we look nothing like each other and we are related.</p>
<p>Jordie:...touche.</p>
<p>Kaz was silent while Pekka and Per Haskell stared at the scene in shock. The author and Colm were taking photos of this beautiful family reunion. The Crows were loving the small smile on Kaz's face.</p>
<p>Jordie: Oh! And your glasses are missing! Honestly, little brother, you were better at self-care when you were nine!</p>
<p>Kaz let out a small chuckle.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yea...I guess I was.</p>
<p>Pekka Rollins casually approached the children.^1 </p>
<p>Pekka: So what is your relationship?</p>
<p>Jordie hugged Kaz closer and let out a feral growl at the man who had threatened to kill his little brother.^2</p>
<p>Jordie: Back the fuck up, you slimy bastard...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>5 minutes later after the string of curses was done, and to be clear, Jordie covered Kaz's ears not knowing that his little brother knew all the swear words in the book.</p>
<p>Kaz: The covering of my ears was unnecessary, I know all the swear words.</p>
<p>Jordie: Ok who the fuck taught him that?</p>
<p>Colm: Sorry to interrupt, but we have to continue with the reaction, and Jordie you did.</p>
<p>Kaz sighed realizing he forgot to explain the rules to Jordie.</p>
<p>Colm: It's fine Kaz, it's easy to understand.</p>
<p>Nina: The ship and drum roll please is Per Hakell x Kaz!</p>
<p>Jordie latched on to Kaz tighter than before and hissed at everyone near them.</p>
<p>Haskell: I feel sick.</p>
<p>Pekka: Why...</p>
<p>Inej: The other day it was you and Kaz, no excuse me, YOUNG Kaz.</p>
<p>Jordie somehow got his hands on a knife and seemed about ready to murder someone.</p>
<p>Kaz: Jordie, I thought your murderous tendencies would even out a little bit when dead.</p>
<p>Jordie: No they increased.</p>
<p>Matthias: I see how they are related.</p>
<p>Wylan: Yep.</p>
<p>Author: OK! Let's stop this now everyone agrees that this sucks! SO SAY GOODBYE CROWS AND KAZ JORDIE IS STAYING SINCE I LOVE HIM AND YOU!&gt;</p>
<p>Jordie: Wear your mask in a public area even with your friends, stay safe, and</p>
<p>All crows + Jordie and Colm: Goodbye HOES.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please request ships I am running out of ideas because my mind is a dry ass desert that refuses to let me imagine an oasis. Thank you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Special Chapter #2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Four ships just like last time. Kaz x Nikolai, Nikolai x Alina, Kaz x The Darkling, and Nina x The Darkling.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Kaz x Nikolai</strong>
</p>
<p>Jordie: What the fuck? It's fucking like the KING of RAVKA!</p>
<p>Kaz: I guess that's the Nikolai they are talking about.</p>
<p>Colm: Oh my.</p>
<p>Nina: Do you even know Nikolai?</p>
<p>Kaz:...</p>
<p>Jesper: That is a very good question.</p>
<p>Colm: Well how about we ask Nikolai since he has been brought in.</p>
<p>Inej: That is a good idea. Since Kaz looks like he won't say a thing and Jordie is too busy making sure Kaz is alright.</p>
<p>Matthias: How is Kaz not freaking about Jordie touching him?</p>
<p>Wylan: Shush, it's beautiful brotherly love.</p>
<p>Matthias: Fair enough.</p>
<p>Nikolai: So like what should I do to make people namely Kaz uncomfortable when I walk in there.</p>
<p>Zoya: I thought the point of this was to see if his older brother is really just <strong>that</strong> overprotective over Kaz.</p>
<p>Nikolai: So what you're saying is I should smack Kaz's ass.</p>
<p>Zoya blinks in "what the absolute fuck did you just say." </p>
<p>Zoya: Have fun dying.</p>
<p>Nikolai: You'd save me.</p>
<p>Zoya: No, no I won't.</p>
<p>Nikolai walks in flashing a giant grin in Kaz's direction and struts over with Zoya right behind him. He walks behind Kaz quickly and as he slaps his ass says.</p>
<p>Nikolai: THAT'S WHERE ALL THE CAKE WENT!</p>
<p>Jordie, who was standing right next to Kaz, blinked slowly as his little brother jumped around and looked ready to murder Nikolai.</p>
<p>Kaz: WHY YOU-</p>
<p>Jordie cut Kaz off.</p>
<p>Jordie: Kaz go sit down I'm sure Mr. Colm has some tea and maybe some biscuits because god knows you need to gain weight. </p>
<p>Kaz: What? why?</p>
<p>Jordie: I don't want you to witness the brutal murder I am about to commit.</p>
<p>Nina: Alright, they know each other.</p>
<p>Inej: Is it bad if I want to help Jordie kill Nikolai?</p>
<p>Zoya: Join the club.</p>
<p>Wylan: They could be like chaotic friends.</p>
<p>Matthias: Possible.</p>
<p>Jesper: No they would be chaotic but the best description is idiot, flirty friend, Nikolai, and the smart, I'm done with your bullshit stop touching me friend, Kaz.</p>
<p>Colm: Agreed.</p>
<p>Inej: Aren't you supposed to be with Kaz?</p>
<p>Colm: Do you know how Kaz and I had the lineup for what ships to react to?</p>
<p>Nina: Yep. Why?</p>
<p>Colm: The next one is concerning and Kaz is currently in the bathroom wondering why humanity is messed up.</p>
<p>Matthias: Oh that makes sense.</p>
<p>Colm: I also wanted to give Jordie this gun to shoot that offender.</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh shit.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Kaz x The Darkling</strong>
</p>
<p>Kaz: I don't think, do I know him?</p>
<p>Jordie: You shouldn't know him.</p>
<p>Inej: Jordie has a point.</p>
<p>Wylan: Why the fuck would you know The Darkling?</p>
<p>Kaz blinks at Wylan in the classic "have you met me" way.</p>
<p>Matthias:...He has a point though Kaz.</p>
<p>Kaz: I guess.</p>
<p>Colm: I guess Nikolai and Zoya will be replaced by Alina and...The Darkling.</p>
<p>Inej: Alina as in Sankta Alina. As in the Saint who--</p>
<p>Wylan: Is she fangirling?</p>
<p>Nina: Yeah I think Kaz is pouty over there.</p>
<p>Matthias: Kicked puppy dog look.</p>
<p>Jesper: Agreed.</p>
<p>Nina: I feel like those two are just like older brothers who have the basic instincts of an overprotective mom sometimes.</p>
<p>Wylan: Especially Matthias.</p>
<p>Nina: Agreed.</p>
<p>Jordie: This ship sucks. </p>
<p>The Darkling, appearing out of nowhere next to Kaz, who is quietly drinking coffee even though his brother told him not to.</p>
<p>Alek^1: Where the fuck am I?</p>
<p>Kaz: None of us really know we just get summoned here by the author and get forced to react to things that ruin our minds and bodies eternally.</p>
<p>Alek: The hell, are you okay? Like seriously the fuck?</p>
<p>Jordie looks up from the highly detailed murder scheme he and Colm were making to kill Nikolai without getting caught, only to see his little brother and The Darkling sitting next to each other.</p>
<p>Jordie: Fuck no!</p>
<p>Colm: What?</p>
<p>Jordie: Son of a bitch!</p>
<p>Jordie bodyslams The Darkling to the ground.</p>
<p>Alek: Aw shit! Come on, the kid was just explaining the rules to me.</p>
<p>Kaz: I'm not a kid.</p>
<p>Alek: You're younger than me.</p>
<p>Kaz: Everyone is bitch.</p>
<p>Alek:...</p>
<p>Jordie: That's my little brother.</p>
<p>Alek: Oh fuck.</p>
<p>~~~~20 minutes later when Jordie is done beating the crap out of the Darkling~~~~</p>
<p>Inej: Why would he just sit there and take it.</p>
<p>Kaz: Easy, the author didn't want anyone to die so they removed all Grisha's abilities.</p>
<p>Inej: Makes sense.</p>
<p>Jordie: This is a disgusting ship.</p>
<p><strong>The Darkling x</strong> <strong>Nina</strong></p>
<p>Nina: I fought against you.</p>
<p>Alek: I...Yeah, you probably did.</p>
<p>Inej: Fuck off, she's a beautiful thicc queen who has a soft giant boyfriend.</p>
<p>Alek: Did I say or do something to offend her?</p>
<p>Kaz: You existed.</p>
<p>Alek: Uncalled for.</p>
<p>Colm: No, no it really wasn't.</p>
<p>Matthias: Disgusting bitch needs to stay away from my Nina.</p>
<p>Nina: Yours.</p>
<p>Matthias: Yes, you adorable little kitten.</p>
<p>Jesper: I swear if you two start eye-fucking each other right now I will make us all uncomfortable!</p>
<p>Nina was already staring into Matthias' soul with deep, meaningful emotions.</p>
<p>Wylan: What were you going to say that would traumatize us?</p>
<p>Jesper: I forgot.</p>
<p>Colm: Moving on! The Darkling shall disappear and Nikolai will take his place.</p>
<p>Alek: Good riddance.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Alina x Nikolai</strong>
</p>
<p>Nikolai: Yes, please.</p>
<p>Alina hears the distant rants of Inej talking about her achievements.</p>
<p>Alina: I wouldn't mind dating Nikolai.</p>
<p>Kaz: Is Inej still ranting about Alina?</p>
<p>Jordie: Don't worry about that little pup she still loves you...I think?</p>
<p>Kaz: You think?</p>
<p>Jordie: You might always be a little bit in second place.</p>
<p>Kaz donned his puppy dog face.</p>
<p>Matthias: Oh yea that stings.</p>
<p>Jesper: Wait Miss Alina aren't you married?</p>
<p>Alina:...</p>
<p>Nikolai:...</p>
<p>Everyone:...</p>
<p>Inej stops mid-sentence and stares at Jesper.</p>
<p>Inej: Holy Shit.</p>
<p>Nina: Yeah like Mal something right??</p>
<p>Alina: I don't wish to answer any further questions.</p>
<p>Kaz: Huh, what the fuck.</p>
<p>Matthias: Agreed, what the fuck.</p>
<p>Nikolai: Well, I guess I'll always be alone unless...</p>
<p>Kaz looks Nikolai dead in the eyes.</p>
<p>Kaz: No, you little whore.</p>
<p>Jordie: HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TOUCH MY BROTHER AGAIN YOU INSOLENT ASSHOLE!</p>
<p>Colm: Ok then while Jordie is trying to kill Nikolai let's part ways.</p>
<p>Nina: Agreed, remember folks wear masks in public, stay six feet apart, and stay safe </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>All the Crows-Jordie, Kaz, and Nikolai: Good bye hoes!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kaz protection squad and random question time because I forgot to take my medicine and I'm bored while waiting in the waiting room of the Pharmacy. What dog would Kaz be? Or just in general what type of animal would he be? Sorry for the random question, please leave requests if you want to, and have a good day.</p>
<p>^1 I used The Darklings real name but abbreviated it to Alek because fuck typing for long periods of time on a phone.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Inej vs Dunyasha</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It is a ship and a fight so yes they can react to it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz:...</p>
<p>Inej: Kaz are you okay?</p>
<p>Kaz: Yes.</p>
<p>Jesper: No he is not.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yes I fucking am.</p>
<p>Wylan: Liar.</p>
<p>Kaz: I mean yes I am a liar.</p>
<p>Matthias: Yes, but you are not okay.</p>
<p>Colm: He's mad that people are trying to get with his girl.</p>
<p>Kaz: NO!</p>
<p>Inej: Oh Kaz...come here.</p>
<p>Jordie: BACK OFF YOU DEMON!</p>
<p>Jordie hissed at Inej. Kaz is thoroughly embarrassed by his brother.</p>
<p>Kaz: JORDIE! Leave Inej alone.</p>
<p>Kaz wants to cuddle with Inej but his haphephobia is a bitch.</p>
<p>Author instincts kick in.</p>
<p>Author: OK TIME TO MENTION SOMETHING KAZ!</p>
<p>Kaz: Yes?</p>
<p>Author: YOU'RE HAPHEPHOBIA I TOOK AWAY BECAUSE I WANTED CUTE BROTHERLY MOMENTS AND KANEJ MOMENTS! OK, GOODBYE!</p>
<p>Jordie: Haphephobia?</p>
<p>Colm: Fear of being touched he most likely developed it after a traumatic experience. </p>
<p>Jordie:...Oh.</p>
<p>Kaz and Inej cuddle together but Inej knows that Kaz is a fucking twink at heart so she has the arms around his waist. Jordie is pouting in the corner since he got scolded by Kaz....again.</p>
<p>^Dunyasha has arrived^</p>
<p>Dunyasha: How the fuck?</p>
<p>Inej: Don't question it bitch.</p>
<p>Kaz: You swear.</p>
<p>Inej: Yes now shut up and say your opinion on the ship you too Dunyasha.</p>
<p>Dunyasha: What, ok, you know what, nevermind.</p>
<p>Jesper: I want to see them fight.</p>
<p>Nina: No, you don't Inej had gotten badly injured last time.</p>
<p>Kaz: Injured? What do you mean?</p>
<p>Inej: It is a long story, I'm fine now.</p>
<p>Inej rests her head on top of Kaz's. </p>
<p>Nina: Yeah but Inej fucking kicked her ass.</p>
<p>Dunyasha: No need to rub it in asshole.</p>
<p>Nina: Oh yes there is, bitch!</p>
<p>Matthias: The pettiness in this room is suffocating.</p>
<p>Wylan: Let them do this.</p>
<p>Matthias: Ok, well agreed the ship sucks.</p>
<p>Wylan: Yep.</p>
<p>Two people agreed to come from the corner where Colm had joined a sad Jordie.</p>
<p>Kaz: I can agree with that statement. </p>
<p>Dunyasha: I'd rather kill the Wraith in her sleep.</p>
<p>Kaz hisses at Dunyasha as she tries to step closer.</p>
<p>Kaz: Take another step and I'll kill you.</p>
<p>Dunyasha: And why would I be scared of you?</p>
<p>A knife goes past Dunyasha's head in the blink of an eye.</p>
<p>Inej: Bitch I am right here, stop threatening my boyfriend. If you don't I'll kill you.</p>
<p>Jordie: I'm starting to think she'd fit right in with our family.</p>
<p>Colm: See how protective she is over Kaz.</p>
<p>Jordie: Yep.</p>
<p>Colm: It's adorable.</p>
<p>Jordie: Agreed.</p>
<p>Jordie sighs as he watches his brother and Inej cuddle closer to each other.</p>
<p>Jordie: Well, I'll say the recap, I suppose. We hate the ship and in a fight, Inej would win totally, so remember folks wear a mask, social distance, and</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>All crows + Jordie, Colm, -Dunyahsa: Good bye hoes!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for commenting on ideas on what to write. Have a good day and please leave suggestions on what next to react to over the weekend.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Kaz x Inej x Nina</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kaz x Inej x Nina</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for not updating this yesterday things got tricky. So usually I don't update on Tuesdays but I will update on Tuesdays if I mess up and forget or I do not have the time to update Mondays. Thank you for putting up with that, since the Crows have reacted to two-way ships with two people. I decided it is time to react to three-way ships with three people. And this is the most popular three-way ship I found. Tumblr is a beautiful world.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz: I...most popular?</p>
<p>Nina: Even I agree that it should not be...the most popular.</p>
<p>Inej:...</p>
<p>Jesper: I guess it's as if Matthias kicked the bucket.</p>
<p>Wylan: I like how we all just avoid using the word "died".</p>
<p>Inej: Yeah we do.</p>
<p>Colm: It's like how you can't say "break a leg" before doing a heist.</p>
<p>Kaz: *Blinks offendedly*</p>
<p>Jordie: My dude what.</p>
<p>Colm: Am I wrong?</p>
<p>Matthias: Jordie, just admit that he is not wrong.</p>
<p>Jordie: Fine.</p>
<p>Kaz: Why is life this popular?</p>
<p>Inej: Ignoring that.</p>
<p>Kaz: I mean, why is this ship popular?</p>
<p>Matthias: I'm assuming it's a balanced relationship where Inej and Nina can cuddle together and enjoy their time and help you with your haphephobia.</p>
<p>Nina: Through touch therapy.</p>
<p>Kaz: Most likely.</p>
<p>Jordie: Y'all ain't touchin' him.</p>
<p>Inej: I do what I want.</p>
<p>Inej proceeds to cuddle Kaz.</p>
<p>Jordie: I love you. I really do. Inej you already make my brother so happy, but really?</p>
<p>Inej: Mine.</p>
<p>Jordie: No, not yours mine.</p>
<p>Inej: NO mine.</p>
<p>Kaz: I feel trapped.</p>
<p>Matthias: Because you are.</p>
<p>Nina: I can agree I feel trapped as well.</p>
<p>Nina states as Matthias cuddles her closer towards him.</p>
<p>Kaz: I feel bad for you.</p>
<p>Nina: I feel bad for you.</p>
<p>Colm: We have delved into chaos again.</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh yeah umm cute ship I guess.</p>
<p>Wylan: Yeah, but I think they all prefer their respective partners, Matthias included.</p>
<p>Matthias: Yes.</p>
<p>Inej: Yep.</p>
<p>Jordie: I want to cuddel Kaz later.</p>
<p>Inej: No.</p>
<p>Jordie: He's my brother so I can.</p>
<p>Kaz: How about we all just settle down and cuddle together while we I don't know watch something.</p>
<p>Colm: There is a T.V in the other room the author had made.</p>
<p>Jesper: There are other rooms?</p>
<p>Wylan: Yes, now shush. It's my turn to tune out the readers.</p>
<p>Jesper: Okay geez.</p>
<p>Wylan: Thank you all for reading, have a good day, stay safe, wear a mask, and</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>All crows + Colm: Good bye hoes.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Crossing Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Time to move to the Fuck, Marry, Kill chapters! I know we all have waited a while for this.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Author: This is basically an announcement chapter. I'm sorry I know how annoying these things can be.</p>
<p>Kaz: Damn right, they're annoying.</p>
<p>Author: Fuck you, Kaz. Basically for the Fuck, Marry, Kill chapters you can request a certain character.</p>
<p>Kaz: After you have chosen a character you can then choose three more characters who will be the people the person you chose is going to judge from.</p>
<p>Author: You can request any character, including Joost since I know some people wanted to know if he would make an appearance.</p>
<p>Kaz: Even if certain characters only had minor roles, you can suggest them.</p>
<p>Author: For example, let's say you chose Nina as your character.</p>
<p>Kaz: You would then add the three other people who you want her to judge. Let's say, Jesper, Joost, and...</p>
<p>Author: Per Haskell?</p>
<p>Kaz: Sure.</p>
<p>Author: Once Nina is done giving her opinions on what she thinks is for her the right choices, discuss the options vividly.</p>
<p>Kaz: Others meaning the Crows Colm and Jordie would share their thoughts on it. But in the end, it all comes down to how Nina chooses them.</p>
<p>Author: Thank you all for reading this, please leave suggestions down below.</p>
<p>Kaz: And enjoy the shit show that is going to go down and if anything needs clarification leave a comment the author will respond.</p>
<p>Author: Now, I want to let you all know that for the rest of this week I will be taking a break from updating, but I will leave comments on your suggestions and I will start off Monday with a Special Chapter of Fuck, Marry, Kill. </p>
<p>Kaz: The reason why the author is taking the rest of the week off is that they are a winning little bitch.</p>
<p>Author: Shots hurt and I got my blood drawn!</p>
<p>Kaz: Whining bitch.</p>
<p>Author: Fuck off anyways have a good day, stay safe wear a mask and,</p>
<p>Kaz and Author: Goodbye hoes.</p>
<p>Kaz: It sounds so weird without the others.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Special Chapter Fuck, Marry, Kill #1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, Marry, Kill</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Colm: Okay so welcome back everyone!</p>
<p>Kaz: Welcome to Hell.</p>
<p>Jordie: It's not that bad.</p>
<p>Kaz:...</p>
<p>Jordie: Oh so you know how to bitch face. It's just great.</p>
<p>Kaz: Welcome.</p>
<p>Jesper: You too sure do sass each other don't you.</p>
<p>Kaz: What else are we supposed to be doing?</p>
<p>Inej: Ok nevermind that. </p>
<p>Nina: I HAVE A NOTE!</p>
<p>Matthias: That's probably what we're supposed to do.</p>
<p>Nina: Read the note?</p>
<p>Wylan: Why, yes, Nina read the note. </p>
<p>Nina:...Outloud?</p>
<p>Wylan:...</p>
<p>Wylan looked at Nina with a resting bitch face that rivaled Kaz's.</p>
<p>Colm: Kaz you are a terrible influence on Wylan he learned your bitch face and a less deadly scheming face.</p>
<p>Kaz: I know.</p>
<p>Jordie: Lovely.</p>
<p>Kaz: I know.</p>
<p>Nina: Okay so it's the fuck, marry, kill chapters. </p>
<p>Kaz: Great.</p>
<p>Nina: Shut up.</p>
<p>Kaz: Make me.</p>
<p>Nina turns to Kaz and tries to walk towards him.</p>
<p>Matthias: Ignore him.</p>
<p>Nina: Fine.</p>
<p>Nina grumbled at being held back by Matthias.</p>
<p>Wylan: AHEM!</p>
<p>Nina: Right sorry umm, Wylan is starting us off. By choosing between Kaz, Matthias, and Jesper.</p>
<p>Wylan: On who to fuck, marry, and kill?</p>
<p>Nina: Yes.</p>
<p>Wylan: Okay. Umm, I want to keep Jesper so it's already either fuck or marry him. Since it didn't specify one-night stands, I would probably cheat on Matthias or Kaz to fuck Jesper. Oh shit. So Kaz and Matthias, one of you two has to die, which one? Kaz is like a father figure. Matthias is an older brother who is overprotective. But then again, Kaz is also overprotective, but he is a better dad than Jan Van Eck. Matthias kind of kicked the bucket already, but I don't want to kill him. Ah shit. Kaz and Matthias, can you two cook?</p>
<p>Kaz: I can.</p>
<p>Matthias: How do you know how to cook? Also, I know how to make a stew from the wild food in Fjerda.</p>
<p>Kaz: So you risk giving him food poisoning?</p>
<p>Matthias: Yeah, most likely.</p>
<p>Kaz: Oh great.</p>
<p>Wylan: Ok, shut up now. I'd have to kill Kaz. I just realized I refer to him as a father figure and he had adopted me so no thank you incest. I'd marry Matthias but you better not poison me with food and I'd fuck Jesper every single night. </p>
<p>Kaz: Makes sense.</p>
<p>Jordie: You aren't mad he killed you?</p>
<p>Kaz: No, I was waiting for him to realize it would be incest. </p>
<p>Jordie: Oh.</p>
<p>Matthias: <em>Demjin</em> I can't believe I am going to say this, but do you make the food at the Slat?</p>
<p>Kaz blinks unsure of how to answer this question without coming off as a parent.</p>
<p>Kaz: Uhh well, sometimes. Not that much.</p>
<p>Nina: Okay moving on from that shit. The note says that for the fuck, marry, kill chapters the chapters will be posted separately so as to not create confusion. </p>
<p>Inej: Which means see you in a few more minutes maybe an hour for the author to revise the next chapter.</p>
<p>Matthias: Have a good day, stay safe, wear a mask in public, and</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>All the crows + Colm and Jordie: See you soon, hoes!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for being patient, this might happen again due to medical reasons. I just want to thank you all for being patient and finally, we have reached the Fuck, Marry, Kill Chapters. I hope you all enjoyed have a wonderful day.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Special Chapter Fuck, Marry, Kill #2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Continuation of the first one.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nina: OK so the second one is, Inej fuck, marry, kill Kaz and Nikolai.</p>
<p>Inej: Just them?</p>
<p>Matthias: Let me look at that paper.</p>
<p>Matthias scans the sheet of requests and spots the second request.</p>
<p>Jesper: So Matt what does it say?</p>
<p>Matthias: It says those two but there was a little bit of confusion and that's fine. So yes, just between those two.</p>
<p>Wylan: We can change it to Fuck and Kill if there are only two options.</p>
<p>Kaz: That works.</p>
<p>Jordie: Want me to drag that royal asshole in?</p>
<p>Inej: What did he do that pissed you off?</p>
<p>Jordie blinks at Inej for thirty seconds before Inej remembers.</p>
<p>Inej: Ahh yes bring in the dickwad.</p>
<p>Jordie: Got it.</p>
<p>Colm: I thought the author would've brought him in?</p>
<p>Kaz jumps away from Colm.</p>
<p>Kaz: You disappeared in the last chapter, where the hell did you go? And why did you sneak up on me?</p>
<p>Colm: Oh, I was here the whole time.</p>
<p>Kaz: Bullshit.</p>
<p>Colm: Suit yourself.</p>
<p>Jordie yeets Nikolai into the room from the second balcony in the house where Nikolai was staying. Nikolai landed with a loud thud in front of Inej.</p>
<p>Inej: Okay so this is the easiest thing for me to do. Kill Nikolai and fuck Kaz. Though I will want to put a ring on Kaz as well so.</p>
<p>Kaz: Nice.</p>
<p>Nikolai: Fair enough. </p>
<p>Jordie: Well, this is short. </p>
<p>Inej: I can list the reasons. </p>
<p>Wylan: Do it.</p>
<p>Inej: Kaz is less likely to cheat on me. Kaz can cook and bake. His cookies are the fucking best, especially the secret recipe ones. Kaz only threatens to hurt children but in reality, he is more likely to open an Orphanage to give kids who have been abandoned or have no family to have a home. Also, Kaz won't force himself on me or have me do something I don't want to do. </p>
<p>Nina: That is a nice list. </p>
<p>Colm: Any reason against the offender?</p>
<p>Nikolai: Who's the offender?</p>
<p>Jordie: I can only wonder.</p>
<p>Jordie rolls his eyes as the realization hits Nikolai.</p>
<p>Nikolai: Oh, carry on then.</p>
<p>Inej: Gladly. You probably can't cook to save your own hide, I have never seen you work with kids but most of your armies are composed of younger children being trained to fight and protect which can be debatable with the amount of training they go through. You would probably try to push me in a certain direction towards something instead of dropping the topic as Kaz does. Also, I just don't know enough about you to love you like I love Kaz.</p>
<p>Nikolai: That's fair.</p>
<p>Kaz: More than fair.</p>
<p>Jordie: You're just happy that Inej chose you.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yeah.</p>
<p>Inej: I will most likely always choose Kaz if he's an option.</p>
<p>Colm: We can't see it but he's doing a happy dance in his head.</p>
<p>Matthias: Ha.</p>
<p>Nina: Cute.</p>
<p>Jesper: They are very adorable.</p>
<p>Wylan: Agreed.</p>
<p>Nikolai: I'm going to disappear now.</p>
<p>Jordie: Get your ass over here and say goodbye with us.</p>
<p>Nikolai: Okay no need to get hostile, okay umm, so have a good day, stay safe, and wear a mask, and</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>All the Crows + Nikolai, Colm, and Jordie: See you soon, hoes.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Special Chapter Fuck, Marry, Kill #3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Last Special chapter of Fuck, Marry, and Kill.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz: Okay so Nina, what is the last fuck, marry, kill for the day?</p>
<p>Nina: Well it seems we have a new character named Joost.</p>
<p>Matthias: Huh, who is he?</p>
<p>Nina: Kaz you apparently saw a version of him.</p>
<p>Kaz: I have, wait...OH, he was one of the Stadwatch members who was watching the house of Hoede!</p>
<p>Inej: You mean the place where...</p>
<p>Kaz: Yes Inej, the place I was brought to by Jan Van Eck.</p>
<p>Wylan:...</p>
<p>Jesper: Wylan, it's okay.</p>
<p>Wylan: My dad almost hurt Kaz though.</p>
<p>Kaz: Hey, I lived!</p>
<p>Wylan: But...</p>
<p>Kaz: No buts kid.</p>
<p>Colm: Cute.</p>
<p>Jordie: Agreed.</p>
<p>Nina: Okay so what does Joost look like? </p>
<p>Kaz: Well, he looked like he was trying to grow a mustache.</p>
<p>Nina: Any other features? </p>
<p>Kaz: Well, let me think.</p>
<p>Matthias: Oh my Djel.</p>
<p>Inej: What?</p>
<p>Matthias: This is going to take a while.</p>
<p>Jesper: Why?</p>
<p>Matthias: Brekker may take notice of certain things but he is mostly paying attention to information being given to him. He's like a cat with catnip except it's kruge.</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh.</p>
<p>Inej: Yeah that might be a problem.</p>
<p>Kaz: He was pretty generic looking. Brown hair hazel eyes, I think. But they looked more green.</p>
<p>Jordie: Wow that took a while.</p>
<p>Kaz: Shut up I was busy okay.</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh, so he was generic looking. </p>
<p>Kaz: I...yes.</p>
<p>Nina: Alright that's good enough.</p>
<p>Colm: Okay so in three seconds the author will bring him in...but alive.</p>
<p>Colm looks at Kaz with a question in his eyes.</p>
<p>Kaz: Long story and I don't feel like talking about it.</p>
<p>Colm: Okay then.</p>
<p>Joost appears out of nowhere, looking frightened. </p>
<p>Joost: What the hell just happened?</p>
<p>Jordie: Don't worry about it kid. </p>
<p>Joost: Not a kid.</p>
<p>Kaz: You are compared to him, so shut up.</p>
<p>Inej: Wow you're snippy. </p>
<p>Kaz: I honestly want to go to sleep since I just realized I haven't slept in a while so...yea.</p>
<p>Inej: Okay then.</p>
<p>Jesper: What are you going to do Inej?</p>
<p>Inej: Tire him out most likely.</p>
<p>Wylan: Nice.</p>
<p>Colm: Okay moving on, Joost welcome aboard to-</p>
<p>Kaz cuts Colm off and says, "Hell" </p>
<p>Colm ignores Kaz and continues on.</p>
<p>Colm: The common area otherwise known as the reacting area. But today you are choosing between three people on whom you want to fuck, marry, or kill.</p>
<p>Joost: Is Anya one of the options?</p>
<p>Nina: No. Who's Anya?</p>
<p>Kaz: The Grisha who Hoede gave <em>Jurda Parem</em>.</p>
<p>Nina: Poor girl.</p>
<p>Joost: Oh well then the other characters can die.</p>
<p>Jordie: Damn.</p>
<p>Joost: Listen, I don't know who any of you are except for you Brekker, The Wraith, and the Gambler, but I think I'm classified as dead so I can't turn you in.</p>
<p>Kaz: That is true, now shut up and listen to the options okay.</p>
<p>Joost: Or what you'll kill me?</p>
<p>Kaz: I don't think people can die here.</p>
<p>Joost: Oh.</p>
<p>Nina: Now will you listen.</p>
<p>Joost: Yeah umm, sure.</p>
<p>Nina: Okay so the people you are choosing from are Kaz, Inej, and Wylan.</p>
<p>Joost: Kill Brekker and do the world a favor, marry the Wraith...wait, fuck.</p>
<p>Jesper: Yeah you just fucked up.</p>
<p>Joost: Uhh Wylan as in Wylan Van Eck?</p>
<p>Wylan: Yeah, but I go by Wylan Sunshine Brekker now.</p>
<p>Joost: Sunshine? Brekker? What the hell!</p>
<p>Wylan: Kaz adopted me and well, Jesper got to choose my middle name when I legally changed it. So yeah.</p>
<p>Joost: Okay so you're like what 12?</p>
<p>Wylan: I'm currently 16.</p>
<p>Joost: Oh wait...Brekker?</p>
<p>Kaz: Seventeen.</p>
<p>Joost: Wraith...</p>
<p>Inej: Sixteen.</p>
<p>Joost: Oh umm. Wait so. I fucked up. I'm killing the person with the least amount of cooking experience. </p>
<p>Wylan: So I'm gone. </p>
<p>Joost:...Kaz Brekker can cook?</p>
<p>Inej: And very well may I say.</p>
<p>Joost: Oaky then. Umm, I guess I'll marry, oh fuck. </p>
<p>Matthias: Let me guess you are straight?</p>
<p>Jesper: He most likely is.</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh, totally, my gaydar isn't going off.</p>
<p>Nina: No he's questioning if he's bisexual or not. </p>
<p>Jesper: And pray to tell me how did you reach that conclusion?</p>
<p>Nina: He's checking Kaz out.</p>
<p>Jordie: What? He's doing what?</p>
<p>Colm: Sit down Jordie.</p>
<p>Jordie: But my brother.</p>
<p>Colm: Shush.</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh my god he is. </p>
<p>Matthias: He's looking at Kaz's ass.</p>
<p>Joost: Well umm I guess marry Brekker and fuck the wraith.</p>
<p>Inej: Why marry Kaz?</p>
<p>Inej looks at Joost with the eyes of the predator as she overheard the other crows' conversation.</p>
<p>Joost: Well uhhhh look at the time gotta go!</p>
<p>Inej moved towards Kaz as she watched Joost run away like a dog with its tail between his legs.</p>
<p>Kaz: Inej.</p>
<p>Inej: Mine. </p>
<p>Jesper: Well he totally almost died. </p>
<p>Wylan: Of course he did.</p>
<p>Nina: Well I guess that's it, have a good day, stay safe, wear a mask, and </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>All crows + Colm and Jordie: Goodbye hoes.</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Also, there wasn't really a good description of Joost other than his mustache unless I skimmed over it. In case I did miss something or completely messed up what Joost looks like please let me know. I also know I made Joost a questioning bisexual, but Kaz Brekker and Inej most likely made a lot of people question themselves if not someone in this series of The Shadow and Bone trilogy.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, Marry, Kill.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Colm: Okay so who has the note this time?</p>
<p>Kaz: Jesper has it.</p>
<p>Jesper: What, no I don't.</p>
<p>Kaz: It's on your hat dumbass.</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh! Thanks!</p>
<p>Kaz: Welcome...</p>
<p>Jesper silently reads the note.</p>
<p>Wylan: Ahem! Jesper, care to share with the class.</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh right, sorry, Wy.</p>
<p>Wylan: That's fine. But seriously read it.</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh okay so Inej you are choosing between Kaz, Nina, and me.</p>
<p>Inej: What?</p>
<p>Matthias: That will be difficult. I am assuming?</p>
<p>Inej: Yes, yes it will be.</p>
<p>Nina: Obviously you should marry me, kick Kaz and Jesper to the curb.</p>
<p>Inej gives Nina an unimpressed look.</p>
<p>Nina: I'm just saying.</p>
<p>Inej: At least Kaz and Jesper know how to cook food instead of just desserts.</p>
<p>Nina: I am wounded.</p>
<p>Kaz: That should've been a mere flesh wound.</p>
<p>Jesper: Agree Nina. </p>
<p>Nina: Huh you are joining their side, Jesper?</p>
<p>Matthias: Nina, darling, love, calm down.</p>
<p>Nina: No Mattie, someone is going to die and it ain't going to be me.</p>
<p>Kaz: Hey where's Jordie?</p>
<p>Colm: He got hungry so he went into the kitchen to make some food.</p>
<p>Kaz: Ah okay.</p>
<p>Inej: Why did you ask?</p>
<p>Kaz: He's my brother and you have a question to answer.</p>
<p>Inej: Right, thanks for reminding me.</p>
<p>Jesper: List the pros and cons of each person.</p>
<p>Inej: Yeah that should work.</p>
<p>Nina: Alright, let's hear it. </p>
<p>Inej: I'm going to start with...Nina.</p>
<p>Nina: Oh shit. Alright, be brutal.</p>
<p>Kaz: I don't think you can handle brutal Inej.</p>
<p>Nina: Probably not, but I'm ready.</p>
<p>Wylan: No, no you're not.</p>
<p>Inej: He's right. You aren't ready.</p>
<p>Nina: Just get on with it.</p>
<p>Inej: Alright, you're cooking sucks, singing sucks, your desserts are tasty, you have no sense of time, your fashion is on point, you're beautiful, you're somewhat smart at least smart enough to get by. Umm, you're dating Matthias, and-</p>
<p>Matthias: No hold on a second, is that a pro or a con that she's dating me?</p>
<p>Inej: Uhh pro.</p>
<p>Matthias: I have a feeling you aren't saying something.</p>
<p>Inej: Nope.</p>
<p>Matthias: Okay.</p>
<p>Inej: Next up is Jesper.</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh, saving Kaz for last.</p>
<p>Inej: Jesper I can stab you and I will.</p>
<p>Jesper: Okay nevermind. </p>
<p>Inej: Good. Ok so Jesper can cook somewhat, he has good taste in clothing, he's a dumbass. He can sing, he can also play an instrument, the piano, no, the trumpet. He is handsome. But Jesper is not punctial and when he is, it scares all of us. </p>
<p>Jesper: Is that all?</p>
<p>Inej: All that I can think of for now.</p>
<p>Jesper: You were not that brutal with it?</p>
<p>Inej: Want me to try again.</p>
<p>Jesper: No, no, I'm fine.</p>
<p>Kaz: Oh fuck it's my turn.</p>
<p>Inej: Yeah.</p>
<p>Kaz: Go for it. I'll get the vodka. </p>
<p>Inej: No alcohol. </p>
<p>Kaz: Fine. I'll get an orange soda. </p>
<p>Inej: I swear you are addicted to orange the color <strong>and</strong> the flavour. </p>
<p>Kaz: Yes.</p>
<p>Jesper: You need help.</p>
<p>Wylan: Agreed. </p>
<p>Inej: Ok time to start. </p>
<p>Kaz: At least give me a chance to get some sugar in my system.</p>
<p>Inej: No. </p>
<p>Kaz: Ok.</p>
<p>Inej: Ok so Kaz can cook, clean, is organized, on time all the fucking time, has a cute ass, not the best type of clothing, but that just means I get to help him pick good clothes. So that's a pro. He can play guitar. I don't know how he learned it. He has terrible hair. Kaz also probably wears stilted boots and that is a con. He also teases me about my height. </p>
<p>Kaz: She is going all out.</p>
<p>Colm: She really is. </p>
<p>Kaz: I expected this. </p>
<p>Jesper: You did?</p>
<p>Nina: He and Wylan know how brutal Inej can be.</p>
<p>Matthias: I am worried for Wylan and how he knows.</p>
<p>Wylan: Did you guys not hear Inej and Kaz at night?</p>
<p>Kaz: Wha?</p>
<p>Colm: Oh boy.</p>
<p>Inej: Okay so now that I have listed the pros and cons of each person. Nina, I'm very sorry but you die, Jesper I fuck you but only once and then I marry Kaz.</p>
<p>Kaz: Oh ok.</p>
<p>Jesper: Yay, I lived!</p>
<p>Inej: Oh nervmind I am feeling petty today Jesper you die, Nina I fuck you.</p>
<p>Nina: Sucker!</p>
<p>Kaz: I still fully get Inej.</p>
<p>Colm: I...okay.</p>
<p>Wylan: Does anyone else smell something burning?</p>
<p>Matthias: Isn't Joride in the kitchen.</p>
<p>Kaz: Ah shit! I forgot the only food Jordie can cook is burnt spaghetti.</p>
<p>Wylan: How did you forget that?</p>
<p>Kaz: I don't have a good excuse for that. </p>
<p>Nina: Okay well we shall leave him there and say the outro and then help him.</p>
<p>Inej: Sure.</p>
<p>Jesper: Okay have a good day, stay safe, wear a mask, and</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>All of the Crows +Colm: Goodbye Hoes!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, thank you for reading. And I am concerned for myself and my brain because during a test I thought about what would happen if Supernatural and Six of Crows met. I...I want to write this but I don't know if anyone would like it. </p>
<p>Another thing, if Kaz had a superpower it would be called "Chameleon" or "Perspective". And by "Chameleon" I mean he can change his appearance at will or with his emotions and can regenerate. Insane regeneration abilities like he can regrow a limb. "Perspective" is where Kaz, just by hearing someone's name, can learn anything about that person. </p>
<p>I was bored so I wrote this. I hope you enjoyed my writing random crazy ass shit. Have a good day.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, marry, kill</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Colm: As usual, who has the note?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: I have it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: I thought you were going to yell “I found the STAR SCREWDRIVER”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: I’m not that dumb.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Yes, yes you are.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Oh my.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Who let them watch a horror game?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: I did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Why have forsaken us?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: I didn’t Wylan did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: What?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Wylan got into the candy stash.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Which one?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz:...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Kaz fucking Brekker tell me now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Yours. Don’t kill me I’m just the messenger.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Did you try to stop him?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: He did but Wylan bit him and took one of his gloves.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: We can’t leave any of you alone can we.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Nope.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Where is Wylan?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Storage closet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Locked in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Bolted shut.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Why?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: He bit Kaz and Kaz screamed in pain.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: He has gremlin teeth okay.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Okay enough of that, onto the ask.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Of course but first, there is a message from the author. “I had to write this at school because the test that was keeping me preoccupied went until today. I miscalculated and I hate it.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: That’s on par for the author to do.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm nods his head in agreement.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Alright, and the ask goes to my adorable little brother.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: I’m not adorable and lay it on me. Which three people must I judge?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Jesper, Nina, and Inej.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Instant marriage on Inej since she is my main love interest. But let’s be honest here she’s more likely to get down on one knee and propose. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Because you are a coward.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: No it’s called I hate myself so much, that I tend to second guess everything including what people think about me. So when I do this I think everyone has lied to me about being my friend or that they are interested in me. Instead, all I can think about is that they probably do hate and are talking about me behind my back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: That got depressing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Kaz did you take your antidepressants?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: No, they make me more depressed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Get a better doctor and my god one therapist isn’t enough.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Thanks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Well, okay then. Kaz, I love you, you are my little brother and I will always love you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Well that’s the thing you may have just said that but since I’m your little brother taking care of me and having a love for me is an obligation which means-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Nothing Kaz he loves you. I love you. We are your friends. I am your lover. And if you don’t stop thinking about how “worthless” and “undeserving” of love you are, I will whip your ass into next week.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Okay then. Umm, next up is Jesper. He’s like a brother to me but I’m Wylan’s father so I’m going to have to say, sorry Jesper but I’d rather die than have sex with you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Dude, do you die, or do I die then?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: I….I was...okay then. You die Nina I guess I fuck with you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Okay.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: I do not like this but it is more preferred compared to you being Wylan’s father and having sex with his boyfriend </span>
  <em>
    <span>Demjin.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: That means I chose right we’re done and we can release Wylan…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper walks over to the storage closet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias stares at the open door of the storage closet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Slowly backs away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Who o-opened the door?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: It was not me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: I wouldn’t have. He scares me when he’s on a sugar high.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Same here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Oh no.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: I think he’s on the ceiling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: What?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nina looks up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Oh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper also looks up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias looks down, accepting his fate. Kaz and Jordie do the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: How did he…?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: I don’t know but we have to end this before we die.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Agreed, so stay safe, have a good day, wear a mask, don’t feed your Wylan’s/gremlins past midnight, and </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>All the Crows + Colm and Jorde: Goodbye hoes.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know we all know the reference made to the movie. Thank you all for reading. And I might make another story on here where the Crows + Jordie and sometimes Colm travel to different universes. I…will probably regret making it, but it could be fun. But it will not update as often as this one does. Oh and I drew Kaz but I messed up and gave him Wilbur’s hair and trench coat and I drew another Kaz. Both Kaz's have high heels. I need help. I hope you all enjoyed it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, marry, kill</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jordie: Who has the note this time?</p>
<p>Matthias: I do.</p>
<p>Nina: Oh that's nice Mattie.</p>
<p>Jesper: What does it say?</p>
<p>Matthias: We will wait for <em>Demjin</em> to come back from his meeting. </p>
<p>Wylan: Why? Does it include him?</p>
<p>Matthias: In a way.</p>
<p>Colm: Okay we shall wait but only for five minutes.</p>
<p>Inej: You won't have to wait, he is right here.</p>
<p>Kaz: Hello.</p>
<p>Matthias: Are you okay Brekker?</p>
<p>Kaz:...</p>
<p>Inej:...</p>
<p>Jordie: Fine, since you two won't say it I will. Kaz only poured the coffee creamer into his cup, without any coffee. This is why he needs his glasses.</p>
<p>Wylan: I have to agree with Jordie on this one Kaz.</p>
<p>Nina: Yea aren't you like allergic to sweet things.</p>
<p>Kaz: No, but I don't like them.</p>
<p>Colm: That must've been a rude wake-up call.</p>
<p>Jesper: That's a big oof.</p>
<p>Kaz: Thanks.</p>
<p>Inej: And during the meeting, there was someone who tried to assassinate him.</p>
<p>Kaz: Shush.</p>
<p>Inej: No. After that, a few of the Dime Lions tried to jump him. I'm pretty sure he has a concussion.</p>
<p>Kaz: Noooo....</p>
<p>Inej looks at Kaz.</p>
<p>Inej: Yeah, he probably does so let's hurry this along.</p>
<p>Matthias: OKay then...I have the notes and it's for Jordie. </p>
<p>Jordie: Notes?</p>
<p>Kaz: Jordie, he's still learning Kerch.</p>
<p>Jordie: Ah.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yeah.</p>
<p>Jordie: Okay, who are the people?</p>
<p>Matthias sends Kaz and Jordie a bitch face.</p>
<p>Matthias: I understand you two. </p>
<p>Kaz: We know. We just like to make fun of you.</p>
<p>Matthias: I-</p>
<p>Kaz: You make fun of me so it's a mutual thing.</p>
<p>Matthias: Fair enough. The people are Inej, Kaz, and...me.</p>
<p>Jordie: I already see a problem here.</p>
<p>Jesper: You do.</p>
<p>Nina: Yea I think there is a tiny problem.</p>
<p>Wylan: I see two problems.</p>
<p>Colm: Same here Wylan.</p>
<p>Jordie: Thanks guys, thanks. </p>
<p>Kaz: Say what the problems are, Jordie.</p>
<p>Jordie: Well, 1) Kaz is my brother. 2) If I even try to say "Kill Kaz" or "Kill Inej" whatever I do to the other they will kill me after.</p>
<p>Matthias: Yeah, that does seem to be an issue. </p>
<p>Jordie: Well umm, okay I accept my fate of dying at the end. </p>
<p>Kaz: Go ahead, it's fine Jordie, we won't kill you. Inej will probably scar you for life though. </p>
<p>Inej: Yes. Yes, I will.</p>
<p>Jordie: Okay well no incest. Kaz, you are dying. </p>
<p>Kaz nods his head appreciatively.</p>
<p>Inej mutters something under her breath.</p>
<p>Jordie: What was that?</p>
<p>Inej: I won't kill you since I agree, no incest.</p>
<p>Jordie: Alright well Inej I'd marry since well I feel like she would be a better option than Matthias who has a fucking gremlin who will bite you if you even look at him wrong. </p>
<p>Kaz: Talking from experience.</p>
<p>Jordie nods his head solmnely.</p>
<p>Colm: Oh my god why?</p>
<p>Jordie: Long story, but so fuck Matthias and then book it immediately before Nina bites me.</p>
<p>Nina: Alright.</p>
<p>Kaz: Well that was nice.</p>
<p>Jordie: No, no it wasn't.</p>
<p>Kaz: Well anyways have a good day, stay safe, wear a mask, don't stay up for days at a time unless you want to drink coffee creamer at an early time, and </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>All the Crows+ Colm and Jordie: Goodbye hoes.</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I woke up after sleeping for two hours at 3:30 and when I got up to get coffee I accidentally poured coffee creamer in and only that. Of course with some ice and sugar. So uhh, anyways, we know Kaz has a dad but is there any mention of his mom? Does he have a mom? Was he and Jordie adopted? </p>
<p>Please tell me if he has another parent I've been wondering about this for like a week now.</p>
<p>Anyways, I hope you have a good day and weekend. Please leave any suggestions in the comments and thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting on this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, marry, kill</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Matthias: Okay so Inej has the notes, correct?</p>
<p>Inej: Yes, I do.</p>
<p>Nina: Nice! Who is it?</p>
<p>Inej: This is for Kaz, but before the first note just says "I'm sorry for doing this." </p>
<p>Kaz: Oh shit.</p>
<p>Jesper: This is not going to end well.</p>
<p>Jordie: Ah shit.</p>
<p>Wylan: Okay, just please say the other names.</p>
<p>Inej: Ok so  it's Jordie, Per Haskell, and...Pekka Rollins.</p>
<p>Colm: I wait....what the...</p>
<p>Kaz: May I die.</p>
<p>Inej: No.</p>
<p>Matthias: I would be willing to help you, but Inej would kill me.</p>
<p>Jesper: No. No. No. NO! </p>
<p>Wylan: Why, why, why?</p>
<p>Nina: This should not be....</p>
<p>Inej: The author did say sorry.</p>
<p>Colm: True, but now Kaz has like three dilemmas.</p>
<p>Kaz: God damn you are not fucking wrong. One is my brother, two is my boss, and number three is my fucking enemy. Another thing is I have to kill one but incest is off the fucking table which means I have to either fuck Per Haskell or marry him. I want to die. Please. Can I choose death for myself and call it a day?</p>
<p>Inej: I'm sorry but no. </p>
<p>Kaz: I hate life.</p>
<p>Matthias: We all hate life.</p>
<p>Jesper: I mean you aren't wrong. </p>
<p>Wylan: Yes he is.</p>
<p>Matthias: No, because we all have had a moment in life where we have wished death upon our parents and have said we hate life.</p>
<p>Nina: It's upsetting knowing you're right.</p>
<p>Colm: Agreed.</p>
<p>Kaz: No, no it isn't. </p>
<p>Jordie: So I'm dead. </p>
<p>Kaz nods his head solemnly. </p>
<p>Jordie: I wish you luck.</p>
<p>Kaz: Thanks. So umm, I guess if I marry Per Haskell or Pekka Rollins I can kill them with poison. But I have to fuck one of them which is even worse. Especially since they're like in their late thirties or some shit meaning they have a limp ass dick that can only go one round and is probably not even five inches since they are obviously overcompensating with how big their egos and buildings are.</p>
<p>Colm:...</p>
<p>Matthias:...</p>
<p>Jesper:....</p>
<p>Wylan:...</p>
<p>Jordie:...</p>
<p>Inej: I think you killed them.</p>
<p>Nina: Agreed.</p>
<p>Kaz: Oops. I'm not sorry.</p>
<p>Inej: I can tell.</p>
<p>Kaz: Okay umm, it's worse to marry your enemy even though Per Haskell is the enemy now his an easy one-shot kill. So marry him and immediately kill him after. </p>
<p>Nina: Damn you are being brutal today.</p>
<p>Kaz: I'm just pissed that I got these three people. I guess I'd fuck Pekka Rollins and then kill him with a gun. </p>
<p>Inej: I think the others are still broken.</p>
<p>Nina: Oof. </p>
<p>Colm: I'm back, I am just shocked that Kaz would say that.</p>
<p>Inej: Yeah you weren't the only one. </p>
<p>Kaz: Okay uhh, Colm please end us off before the others unbreak and question reality.</p>
<p>Colm: Ok. Umm, have a good day, stay safe, wear a mask, and </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Kaz, Inej, Nina, and Colm: Goodbye hoes!</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Colm: I still think that's a rude outro.</p>
<p>Nina: Too late you already said it, come on we have to go fix the others.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for making you all suffer from these three options for Kaz, I'm in a bad mood today so I hope you enjoyed some pain. Sorry again and have a good day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, Marry, Kill</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz was absolutely silent for five minutes while waiting for everyone else to join.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: Where the hell are they?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz waits unknowingly until it slowly dawns upon him that he fucked up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: It’s too early. Fuckk it’s 3 in the morning and we met at 3 in the afternoon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Author: Damn right it is.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: How the…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Author: Don’t ask just know that I have given you pans and pots. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: You want me to….</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Author: Yes I do. You have not taken your medicine and your crackhead side comes out when you are alone. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: I shall clap the pans and pots!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Author: Go my little Gremlin!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~20 minutes later~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: They’re awake now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Author: Oh, geez that was quick.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: Thanks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jordie: Why am I not surprised that you asked Kaz to wake us up at…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jordie looks at the time and sighs in defeat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesper: Ahh 3:21, thanks, Kaz that’s just what we needed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nina: Yeah, we totally did not need sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matthias: Nina, love, darling, you almost slept through the racket.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inej: Does not surprise me Nina is like a bear hibernating when she’s asleep. It usually takes the smell of food, not just any food, though sweet food to get her out of bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wylan: Why are we talking about this? The author is here. Why is the author here? Are you here to deliver the note? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: I forgot to ask you anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Author: Yeah. Umm, so here’s the note Wylan. I just wanted to inform you that Colm will not be here because he found out how Pekka Rollins kind of kicked a seven-year-old, underweight, Kaz into the street which caused Jordie’s death. Jesper, did you know that your father knows how to torture someone?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesper: No, but it does not shock me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Author: Huh okay then. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: He doesn’t have to do that. Besides, I’ll get my revenge on Rollins myself. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesper: Yeah, somehow I don’t think that is going to fly for my dad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nina: Agreed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz:...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inej: He’s stewing in a depression right now. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Author: Alright so Wylan you can read the note and I am very sorry. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wylan: Sorry for what?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesper: And they're gone. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jordie: Well, umm, we will have to see what it says.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wylan: Right so it’s Nina….choosing between Kaz, Colm, and me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nina:...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matthias: I think she’s reliving something. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: Oh, most definitely. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inej: Colm isn’t here….</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jordie: That might be for the best.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nina: Okay umm, so issue number one Jesper would kill, issue number two Inej would kill me, issue number three Colm is like a father figure to most of us orphans. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: Issue number four, Inej’s parents are still alive, Wylan is my kid, and Jesper has his father. You, Matthias, and I are the only orphans.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nina: You don’t have a family?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jordie: Well, technically to the Government I’m dead which means I can’t get custody over Kaz, so yeah he’s an orphan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matthias: I feel like this information is triggering something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A random pig in the background screaming I will dropkick those orphans while being held back by winged Dad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: Agreed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inej: Alright away from that topic...Nina the floor is yours, choose wisely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nina: Thanks cause that totally isn’t terrifying. Uhh, ok. Colm is like a father figure but Kaz is like a twin chaotic brother and Wylan like a younger brother or at least a fun aunt. Why? Why me?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: Hey Inej, I already have these types of questions you can ask. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nina: Thanks….kill Colm I’m a teenager and he’s in his late thirties, I think so no pedophilia. Umm, Kaz can cook so I’d marry him and Wylan kind of would probably accidentally blow something up. Wait for no...Wylan’s gay so I’d marry him but we’d both be dating someone else as a mutual understanding of one another. And Kaz I’d screw so...there we go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: Makes sense.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jordie: Unfortunately it does. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inej: You chose wisely Nina so that I won’t kill you. And since you thought through your decisions for once you shall live even longer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nina: Thanks….I guess. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesper: Well I feel like we should get back to the fact that Kaz, Matthias, and Nina are fucking orphans. I mean what….?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz looks at Jordie with a look that plainly says, explain it dumb bitch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jordie: Okay so our mom died giving birth to Kaz which means his birthday is really sad oh my god we never celebrated his birthday...dad was crying and well I….</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: We will come back to that later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jordie: Okay, and so after that when Kaz was like five, maybe six our father got into a tractor accident, and then, well, you know what happened to me. So yeah...Kaz has been an orphan for around eight years. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: Yep. Matthias your turn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matthias: I already told you all what happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jordie: I wasn’t here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matthias: Does it look like I care. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesper: Matthias, come on man at least a brief summary. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wylan: Jes don’t push him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nina: I agree with Wylan it isn’t nice to push people.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: AH no!  Matthias, it’s either you tell us your story again or I will sacrifice you to the god of blood!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matthias: A group of Grisha's burned my home that had my parents and my sister inside. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: That was easy wasn’t it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matthias: I hate you Demjin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: I know. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nina: The second Army soldier's parents kind of...gave me up. I guess. It’s hard to explain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaz: I’m going to ignore that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inej: I have been silent but now I want cuddles, so someone say the outro before I steal Kaz.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesper: Have a good day, stay safe, wear a mask, and </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> <b>All Crows + Jordie: Goodbye hoes.</b> </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, I made that joke about Technoblade so sue me it will not be funny. </p>
<p>Tomorrow I will not be updating but I will probably create a new story where you can request Au ideas or crossovers between universes and I will post very brief interactions, and by brief I mean a one-shot so at least over two thousand words, of your ideas. Also, I say probably because I don’t know what my day is like tomorrow and how much work I’ll have to do. The reason why I’m doing that is that I have to start writing in a normal format before I use this format on an essay and I get an F because of the format used. If I do not know a certain fandom I may ask you to give me the rundown of it so I at least understand it a little bit so I don’t completely massacre it. For the ideas, they’re like prompts you don’t have to be so specific just a short little prompt. </p>
<p>Also, I'm sorry for any mistakes with Matthias' history of his family dying, I'll be honest I was too lazy to look it up when I realized I didn't remember. I read fanfiction as one might do and saw that the person had written his house was burned down with his family inside. So yeah.</p>
<p>Have a good day and peace!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, marry, kill.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Colm: Okay I am back and well the note says to keep it short and to the point. </p>
<p>Nina: You had the note?</p>
<p>Colm: Yes, since I'm the most responsible it seems.</p>
<p>Kaz: Damn, that was a low blow.</p>
<p>Colm: Shush. Anyway, the ask is for Matthias and the three people are Brum, Nina, and Nikolai.</p>
<p>Matthias: That is very random.</p>
<p>Jesper: Yeah it's like one of those random name picker things that teachers use.</p>
<p>Inej:...popsicle sticks?</p>
<p>Wylan: I knew they were dumb, but wow, they really know how to set the bar low.</p>
<p>Jordie: Trust me I can get it lower.</p>
<p>Kaz: That isn't a good thing.</p>
<p>Matthias: Agreed.</p>
<p>Colm: So uhh, we have to keep it short. </p>
<p>Matthias: Right umm, obviously kill Brum especially since he tried to hurt Nina which can not be forgiven no matter what.</p>
<p>Nina: Aww thank you.</p>
<p>Matthias: No problem sweetie pie. </p>
<p>Kaz: I think I'm going to barf.</p>
<p>Matthias: Inej what does a bee make?</p>
<p>Inej: Honey.</p>
<p>Jesper:...Hold on, Matthias, man, buddy, friend you didn't, just think that Inej would call Kaz honey did ya?</p>
<p>Matthias: No, that's what Kaz calls her. Now Brekker, what is a younger version of a cat?</p>
<p>Kaz: You mean a kitten?</p>
<p>Inej:...</p>
<p>Kaz:...</p>
<p>Jordie: Hot damn. </p>
<p>Nina: Ohh, spill the tea.</p>
<p>Jesper: Kaz will kill you Matthias.</p>
<p>Matthias: I know that he will but anyways before my inevitable death marry Nina so I can be with her forever and fuck Nikolai. </p>
<p>Colm: Wow.</p>
<p>Kaz: I almost can't tell if he's telling Nikolai to fuck himself or he'll screw him.</p>
<p>Inej: I think that's the point.</p>
<p>Nina: And now Matt is running. Why did you scare him, Kaz?</p>
<p>Jesper: Good question.</p>
<p>Kaz: I don't know.</p>
<p>Wylan: Yeah umm, okay then so I guess goodbye, have a good day, stay safe, wear a mask, and </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>All the Crows + Colm and Jordie: Goodbye hoes.</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for it being so short, it's been a busy day. And this was all I had the energy to write for today. I guess I can't just run on energy drinks and coffee.</p>
<p>Random question of the day, what type of candy or sweets do you think each crow would like?</p>
<p>Have a good day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, Marry, Kill.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for not updating recently, for that reason I'm doing four chapters today and I'll continue on my usual schedule since even for Spring Break I have work to do.</p>
<p>Random question: if "Six of Crows" were to meet the Marvel or DC universe who would become their best friend? Villains or Heroes can be used to answer questions if you want to answer them.</p>
<p>Kaz's mantra "Brick by Brick" is also a song by the "Artic Monkeys" but they mean two entirely different things. Just an interesting little fact there.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz: Damn I was hoping to get two weeks off from this annoying shit. </p>
<p>Inej: Kaz, calm down.</p>
<p>Kaz: Can't I was in the middle of lecturing a new Spider so that's going to go to shit.</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh yeah! You mean the new kid...</p>
<p>Kaz:...Jesper, did you forget his name?</p>
<p>Jesper:...continue on.</p>
<p>Wylan: Wow. That's great. </p>
<p>Matthias: why a new Spider?</p>
<p>Kaz:...Let's just continue on.</p>
<p>Colm: Oh boy.</p>
<p>Nina: Oh boy, that's right. We will talk about this later.</p>
<p>Jordie: Ha! I have the notes!</p>
<p>Kaz: Okay.</p>
<p>Jordie: Okay so it's for...me.</p>
<p>Nina: How did you get the note then?</p>
<p>Jordie: You know what, let's just not question it.</p>
<p>Matthias: That is completely fair. </p>
<p>Jesper: Agreed.</p>
<p>Jordie: Okay so the people are Nina, Matthias, and...Colm.</p>
<p>Kaz: Bloody hell.</p>
<p>Colm: Why?</p>
<p>Nina: Last week it was us so yea...</p>
<p>Colm: God damn it all. </p>
<p>Jesper: Sorry Da, I was hoping you wouldn't have been involved with this but I was wrong.</p>
<p>Colm: You all are like my fucking kids with the exception of Matthias.</p>
<p>Matthias: I feel loved.</p>
<p>Colm: Sorry kid it's going to take a while for me to love you like a son after you stole the rest of my peach cobbler.</p>
<p>Kaz: Peach cobbler? How the fuck could you steal from this man?</p>
<p>Matthias: I didn't know it was his!</p>
<p>Jordie: That does not fucking excuse this!</p>
<p>Matthias: Oh my <em>Djel</em>.</p>
<p>Nina: You have pissed off both of the Rietveld children.</p>
<p>Jordie &amp; Kaz: CHILDREN!</p>
<p>Inej: I think you just proved Nina's point.</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh, they most certainly did. </p>
<p>Colm: But you two are kids.</p>
<p>Jordie: I'm actually 23.</p>
<p>Kaz: I'm almost 18...or did I forget my birthday?</p>
<p>Jordie: This happens too often. Ok so umm, Matthias I really want to kill you and I am killing you. Colm and I will platonically marry each other. Matthias not only did I kill you but I stole your girl.</p>
<p>Kaz: I feel as though you want to do this and have it all planned out. </p>
<p>Jordie: I want to do it. </p>
<p>Wylan: we can tell. </p>
<p>Jordie: Oh yea the note said that we have to do this three more times and that I new story will create called drabbles and it will have the first chapter and in the notes, there will be instructions on what to do. I think that's what is said, I kind of wrote something on top of it. </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>All Crows + Colm and Jordie: See you soon hoes.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, Marry, Kill</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Colm: Welcome back everyone!</p>
<p>Kaz: You are way too happy. I refuse to believe you are this happy.</p>
<p>Colm: Okay, you Thomas Shelby rip-off.</p>
<p>Kaz blinks away tears of originality. </p>
<p>Jesper: Damn, my dad went there.</p>
<p>Jordie: Oh Kaz it's okay you two are nothing alike. For one he has blue eyes, no scars on his face...wait uhh not he hasn't seen his loved one...you know what never mind you both have different colored eyes. </p>
<p>Kaz: Wow...ok then.</p>
<p>Inej: Kaz Thomas Shelby works with horses, he has siblings that are alive, he has highly defined cheekbones, and he's of Romanian descent. </p>
<p>Kaz: Thank you Inej.</p>
<p>Jordie: I feel like I failed as a brother.</p>
<p>Jesper: Yeah we all do right now.</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh no, I am enjoying this.</p>
<p>Matthias:...I think we have a new Brekker.</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh yeah I have the note.</p>
<p>Kaz: Okay....</p>
<p>Wylan: For me and the people are for my biological father, Kaz, and Colm. </p>
<p>Jesper: Ahh so a terrible father figure, one who has taught you how to defend yourself, and the last one a good father figure.  </p>
<p>Wylan: Yeah so kill, biological father, force Kaz to....wait Kaz did you legally adopt me?</p>
<p>Kaz: Well not really, but technically I did adopt you. </p>
<p>Wylan: Can we make an exception to the incest rule if it's platonic?</p>
<p>Jesper:...</p>
<p>Nina:...</p>
<p>Matthias:...</p>
<p>Inej: Umm,</p>
<p>Jordie: I'm sure we could</p>
<p>Kaz: Go for it in certain situations, you have to do what you gotta do as long as it's purely platonic.</p>
<p>Wylan: Alright, so then platonically marry Kaz and Colm and one-night stand it. But let's be honest here the fuck should be changed to therapy whenever we choose Colm.</p>
<p>Kaz: I hate how true that is.</p>
<p>Matthias: We all do.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>All the Crows + Colm and Jordie: See you soon hoes.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading, also who else forgot that the song Cutthroat is by Imagine Dragons?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, Marry, Kill.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Matthias: I guess this is the last one, and I have the notes.</p>
<p>Kaz: You just want to get done with this don't you.</p>
<p>Matthias: Don't you want to as well?</p>
<p>Kaz: Fair.</p>
<p>Wylan: Very fucking fair.</p>
<p>Jesper: I swear Kaz if you teach Wylan one more swear word.</p>
<p>Inej: Actually that was Nina. When a pan fell on her foot while she was cleaning she let out a string of cusses while Wylan was in the room.</p>
<p>Jordie: Jesus Christ, you people will be the death of me. </p>
<p>Kaz: Thanks.</p>
<p>Colm: NO!</p>
<p>Kaz: Yes.</p>
<p>Inej: Matthias please read the note.</p>
<p>Matthias: Right, so it's Kaz, Wylan, and Jesper.</p>
<p>Kaz: Well I know I'm probably going to die.</p>
<p>Matthias: You see I thought about that but then I realized Jesper would kill me with his cooking so he dies and I marry you for your cooking.</p>
<p>Kaz: I see that you have made an error, how old are you?</p>
<p>Matthias: 18....oh.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yeah...and how old does Wylan look?</p>
<p>Matthias: 12. </p>
<p>Wylan: Ha, it looks like you have to platonically marry me. At least I can cook as well.</p>
<p>Matthias: Fair point.</p>
<p>Kaz: Also if you fuck me Inej will probably be killing someone, mainly you.</p>
<p>Matthias: I risk it. </p>
<p>Jordie: Wow it looks like I'm also killing.</p>
<p>Colm: Kids no.</p>
<p>Jesper: Sorry Da, but you won't be able to stop this.</p>
<p>Colm: I know let's just say goodbye before you start fighting.</p>
<p>Nina: Okay so stay safe, wear a mask, have a good day, and remember kids don't let Kaz Brekker make a deal with you.</p>
<p>Kaz: Wow okay.</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>All Crows +Colm and Jordie: Goodbye Hoes.</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The fourth one will be a new story that will be called drabbles. Where you can comment prompts and ideas for stories that involve the "Six of Crows" characters as well as crossovers. Sorry for the long wait on that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, Marry, Kill</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Colm: Oh nooooooooo.</p>
<p>Kaz: He has the notes.</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh god.</p>
<p>Matthias:...</p>
<p>Jesper: Da, I am so sorry.</p>
<p>Inej: Kaz...do me a favor, kill.</p>
<p>Kaz: Sorry Inej, I am not allowed to kill.</p>
<p>Jordie: Yeah I wanted to cuddle so I stole all of his weapons.</p>
<p>Nina: How are you alive again?</p>
<p>Jordie: Pure luck and being related to him.</p>
<p>Kaz: Stupidity.</p>
<p>Colm: Anyways, the people I have to choose between...are all fucking teenagers well except one of them but a man child.</p>
<p>All the Crows + Jordie:...</p>
<p>Kaz: The fuck.</p>
<p>Jordie: The manchild is me isn't it?</p>
<p>Colm nods his head.</p>
<p>Colm: Yeah...it's uhh Kaz, Matthias, and Jordie.</p>
<p>Matthias: Why?</p>
<p>Jordie: The absolute fuck!</p>
<p>Kaz:...I've wanted to die before but DAMN now I really want to!</p>
<p>Colm: I hate this.</p>
<p>Wylan: Why would someone do this?</p>
<p>Nina: Yeah, Colm, is there an explanation?</p>
<p>Inej: I hope there is one.</p>
<p>Colm: Yes there is another note...Son are you okay?</p>
<p>Jesper: No Da, I am not okay.</p>
<p>Colm: I am afraid to ask why, but in the end, I already know.</p>
<p>Jesper: This is sick, this is...you know what Da, just read the note.</p>
<p>Colm: So the author was in a bad mood due to the fact they have to spend three hours outdoors helping clean up their house.</p>
<p>Kaz: That is...odd?</p>
<p>Colm: The author was tasked with moving large rocks... their author then states "I am a god damn twig I can't lift anything over 15 pounds!"</p>
<p>Kaz:...Ah.</p>
<p>Jordie: Yep!</p>
<p>Jesper: Ouch.</p>
<p>Wylan: Am I missing something here?</p>
<p>Matthias: Look at their body types and think about what they used to do and where they used to live.</p>
<p>Inej:...Oh.</p>
<p>Nina: Well then...that sucks.</p>
<p>Wylan: Yeah...ouch.</p>
<p>Colm: Alright umm so fuck Jordie since he is of legal age...I have to kill Kaz since he's the youngest and anything like marrying or fucking a child pretty much. Matthias, I marry you.</p>
<p>Kaz: Oh thank the lords.</p>
<p>Jordie: We aren't religious.</p>
<p>Kaz: I know.</p>
<p>Inej: Geez, I feel like the author is just using us as a way to relieve their own anger.</p>
<p>Nina: It's a type of therapy I think.</p>
<p>Kaz: Guys shut up about therapy and say fucking goodbye so we can eat a fucking dinner before we all god damn forget!</p>
<p>Inej: Fair point.</p>
<p>Kaz: Thank you.</p>
<p>Colm: Since I have suffered I say stay safe everyone, wear a mask in public, have a good day, and remember to yell "fire" if anyone tries to abduct you in public since people won't come when you yell "help", but if you yell "fire" everyone comes running with their cameras. Oh and of course...</p>
<p><strong><em>All Crows + Jordie and Colm: Goodbye hoes.</em></strong> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Random question: If the Crows were to meet another fandom, what fandom would it be?</p>
<p>Thank you for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, Marry, Kill</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz: Oh fuck, again....I was in the middle of a meeting.</p>
<p>Inej: I don't think the author cares.</p>
<p>Wylan: Of course they don't.</p>
<p>Jesper: Oof.</p>
<p>Matthias: Today Inej has the note, it is on her head.</p>
<p>Nina: Oh you can see?</p>
<p>Matthias:....really?</p>
<p>Nina: Ha.</p>
<p>Inej: According to the note Jordie and Colm are busy so it's just us.</p>
<p>Kaz: wait hold up...Jordie knows people other than us or is it a ghost thing.</p>
<p>Inej: Ghost thing.</p>
<p>Kaz: Ah gotcha.</p>
<p>Jesper: Cool, just us six.</p>
<p>Nina: THE ORIGINALS!</p>
<p>Matthias:...</p>
<p>Wylan:...</p>
<p>Kaz: Actually the original members of this team were Inej, Jesper, Nina, and myself. So no...not the og's.</p>
<p>Nina: Oh yeah...</p>
<p>Jesper: Oof.</p>
<p>Inej: Anyways, I'm choosing between Matthias, The Darkling, and Saknta Alina.</p>
<p>Kaz: I already know the outcome.</p>
<p>Jesper: Yeah it's not like Inej doesn't rant about this person so much it makes it so obvious that if she were here, Inej would dump Kaz like I dumped those rotten apples on the other side of the road.</p>
<p>Kaz:...Damn.</p>
<p>Wylan: Ouch.</p>
<p>Nina: Kaz is replaceable.</p>
<p>Matthias: Not a good feeling.</p>
<p>Inej: Well Jesper is right, so marry Alina, fuck Matthias, and kill the Darkling. </p>
<p>Kaz: Beautiful.</p>
<p>Matthias: We knew the outcome and we welcomed it.</p>
<p>Kaz: Yes we did.</p>
<p>Jesper: Wow.</p>
<p>Nina: Yeah...</p>
<p>Wylan: Anyways, stay safe, wear a mask, take care of yourself, drink water, if you ever have to hide a body bury it thirty feet deep in a dirt basement, and then put cement on top</p>
<p>Kaz: That way the smell doesn't affect anything else down there, and you don't have to risk getting caught by the police, and </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>All the Crows: Goodbye hoes!</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, marry, kill.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaz: I HAVE THE FUCKING NOTE!</p>
<p>Jesper:...oof</p>
<p>Jordie: Ouch.</p>
<p>Inej: Why ouch?</p>
<p>Jordie: I don't know.</p>
<p>Wylan: That's fair.</p>
<p>Matthias: How...is that... never mind.</p>
<p>Nina: Yeah, let's not question the strangeness of this group.</p>
<p>Matthias: Now that is fair...where is Colm?</p>
<p>Kaz: The note says that Colm is now being tried for first-degree murder. So when we are done you guys know what to do.</p>
<p>Inej: Yep.</p>
<p>Wylan: Can't wait to blow shit up.</p>
<p>Kaz: Glad to see you're all excited. Okay so I'm choosing between Inej, Dunyasha, and...</p>
<p>Kaz trailed off as a light blush settled on his face when he read the name of his old crush. </p>
<p>Inej: Why are you blushing Kaz?</p>
<p>Nina: Yeah Kaz...who is the last person?</p>
<p>Kaz: Oh it's just an old crush of mine....Imogen.</p>
<p>Inej twirled her dagger like she was simply throwing an apple. Kaz gulped nervously.</p>
<p>Kaz: Inej...I don't like her anymore.</p>
<p>Inej: Good.</p>
<p>Jesper &amp; Jordie: Green is not a good color for you, Inej.</p>
<p>Inej threw her knife in a practiced motion, letting the knife hit the wall behind the two boys who called her out on her jealousy.</p>
<p>Matthias: You two are going to die.</p>
<p>Wylan: They know, but at this point in time they have excepted their fate.</p>
<p>Nina: Tragic really.</p>
<p>Kaz: Agreed.</p>
<p>Matthias: Don't you have to answer the question?</p>
<p>Kaz: Aw shit. </p>
<p>Inej: Yeah Kaz, answer the question before I kill your brother and Jes.</p>
<p>Nina: Oh shit, she is mad.</p>
<p>Matthias: She's filled with jealous rage.</p>
<p>Kaz gulped heavily.</p>
<p>Kaz: Okay so umm, kill Dunyasha I don't like her not in the slightest. Plus she hurt Inej and I can't let that happen to people I care...I mean...fuck it, people I  care about.</p>
<p>Inej: Okay.</p>
<p>Nina: Oh no.</p>
<p>Matthias: Kaz is most likely going to either die with his next words or be tied up for a long time.</p>
<p>Wylan:....Wow, you went there.</p>
<p>Jordie:...Oh! I get it.</p>
<p>Jesper: I don't like the fact that we have somehow corrupted Matthias into making innuendos. </p>
<p>Nina: Oh that was all me, honey.</p>
<p>Kaz: Most likely. And umm, I was 14 when I had my crush on Imogen so around three years ago, I've moved on but I have to say fuck. Since I want to stay with Inej for the rest of my life since I know I will never be able to do better than her. And most likely everyone else will dislike me for what I do so I'd marry Inej. I wouldn't tie her down to me, though I don't want that for her. I don't care if I'm the trophy husband or house husband or whatever it's called I just want her to be happy. And I hope she can be happy with me.</p>
<p>Inej:...Oh, Kaz, I'm cuddling you tonight. </p>
<p>Jesper: We really need to help him with his self-esteem issues.</p>
<p>Wylan: He needs like thirty therapists so good luck.</p>
<p>Matthias: I'm pretty sure those thirty therapists would commit sewer slides.</p>
<p>Jordie: 0-0 -_- O-O</p>
<p>Matthias: What the hell?</p>
<p>Nina: I gave to agree with Jordie on this one, you can make innuendos but you can't say suicide.</p>
<p>Matthias: Some people can be sensitive to that.</p>
<p>Nina: Okay.</p>
<p>Wylan: That's a good idea. Wait, where's Kaz and Inej?</p>
<p>Jesper: Oh Inej dragged Kaz into their room for cuddles so we just have to say goodbye now,</p>
<p>Wylan: Oh ok.</p>
<p>Jordie: Nice umm, stay safe everyone, wear a mask, and remember don't plant an endangered species on top of a buried body,</p>
<p>Matthias: Since people will be called in to specifically remove the plant from the area to make sure it can be brought back to the original area it's from and then the buried body will be revealed and unless you remove your prints you're going to jail,</p>
<p>
  <strong> <em>Helnik and Wesper: Goodbye Hoes</em></strong>
</p>
<p>Jesper: I feel like we forgot something....DA!</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading, sorry for posting late.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fuck, marry, kill.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Aleksander: WHy the hell am I here!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Calm your tits you rancid piece of dog shit. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aleksander: I….okay.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: So I guess whoever’s turn it is, is about to start getting really angry. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: It’s my turn Inej.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Oof</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: Agreed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: I wish you luck Matty!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: They say that like he’s going to die. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Well he probably is.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Okay so the note says, “Sorry for not updating recently I had to do something….anyways the character Matthias will choose from is; The Darkling a.k.a Aleksander, Kaz a.k.a rip-off emo Tommy Shelby, and Jordie a.k.a the brother who died trying.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz:....I-I</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: U-U</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alek: I...what the fuck is happening!</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Don’t question those two they have efficiently broken the fourth wall before.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Oh yeah, they have. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: I forgot about that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: I think we all did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: It had happened so long ago.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Yeah it did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: I am so confused. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aleksander: Okay, you know what can we just get this over with the next short story has Kaz, Jordie, and myself as chibi’s and we’re brothers so I kind of want to see that. Smoll bean Kaz. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: I am very much tempted to go even slower because it will make you angry, but smoll bean Kaz actually sounds really adorable.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: It is adorable.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Why, why, why?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: It’s okay Kaz you’re just going to be even shorter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: No, not that, why are we related to someone who is like 393 years older than us! How could that have worked! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: -_-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: What!</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: I agree with Colm, -_-.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: I give up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Now that that is done with, I would kill Aleksander since I just don’t like you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aleksander: Wow that hurt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Shut up you two-cent two-timing backstabbing whore. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: I have to agree with Nina on this one.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: remind not to get on Nina and Inej’s bad side.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Of course, I’d marry Kaz since he is underage and usually he hates being touched. Until the author put that weird thing up and I have no clue how that removes his haphephobia, but okay.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Thank you for respecting boundaries.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: No problem and then I’d fuck Jordie since he’s a ghost and well it wouldn’t exactly work now would it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: You just cheated the fucking game.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Yeah come on Matthias. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Well while Kaz and Jordie are nagging Matthias</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aleksander: I will be mentioning that Shadow and Bone is a delectable show and I love it, also stay safe, binge watch your favorite shows, wear a mask, and </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Almost all of the Crows + Jordie + Colm + Alek: Goodbye Hoes.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Reaction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Crows react to a Modern AU courtesy of my friends.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Who has the note today?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Uhh I do. But the notes say that we will be reacting to a different AU. Which for those wondering and AU means Alternate Universe. The note says it’s called “Modern AU” and my friend helped me come up with this one since all Modern AU’s vary in every possible way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Interesting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ja, </span>
  </em>
  <span>that does sound interesting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: How would we react to it?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: That's a good question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: The note says that we will read the descriptions of our other selves and that the eight other pages of paper I have are for each person. So come and get yours I guess.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Eight, so I am included in this AU.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: You know it’s sad when you believe you won’t be in an AU.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Alright kids, do we all have our paper?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: No, I don’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz hands Wylan his paper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Next time rush in no one will see if you zoom over with your height. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: Screw you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Wylan only I’m allowed to screw him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Okay then, so who should go first?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Oldest to youngest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Oh so my Da would go first and then you, Matthias, Nina, me, Kaz, Inej, and then Wylan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: We can do that. Alright so in this AU my name is still Colm Fahey. I have one child named Jesper Fahey. This me is 36 years old, it feels nice to be young again. I am still a farmer and my wife died giving birth to Jesper. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: On the back, there are interesting or fun facts about our other selves.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Thanks, son. Let’s see fun fact number one this other me has attempted to adopt a depressed, anxious teenager named Kaz...fifteen times. I teach kindergartners in my free time, and by “free time” it says in parenthesis when the kids visit with their teacher to learn about farm life and animals. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: That sounds nice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Oh it also says that I pick farmer locks that are custom made for fun. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias:...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina:...What</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Kaz…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: I didn’t do it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Well, that’s interesting, and well it’s Jordie’s turn.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Thanks pa, umm let’s see. I died in a car crash at the age of eighteen. My thirteen-year-old brother was in the car with me. It says that we were walking back home from a nearby ice cream shop but got hit by a drunk driver. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz:...wow</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: I think he’s going to cry.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: Well, to be fair, he did just lose his brother….again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Yeah….that sucks. No fun facts on the back?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: No there is actually, it’s as a ghost I haunt my brother by annoying him but it made people think Kaz was insane so...and then it stops and says continued on Kaz’s sheet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Alright well we already have an order so we will have to wait.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Alright my turn, it says I have a little sister who died from pneumonia when I was 10 and my parents adopted a teenager, when  I was 17, the teenager is missing a leg due to a car crash that killed his older….brother.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz:...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie:...</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Wow okay then. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Okay umm, my parents burned to death and I had rescued the teenager, a.k.a modern Kaz, essentially the rest of this is saying that I rebuilt the house got a job, and continued to take care of the teenager. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Fun facts?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Uhhh yes. The teenager I take care of relies on me, and I can’t cook, but I can bake. I major in construction and design. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: That was a whirlwind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Yes it was and it’s my turn. Let’s see umm, I know a Matthias who has a younger brother. I don’t date him, I major in fashion designing. And it says that I have a girlfriend. My parents are dead, no siblings, I got adopted when I turned nine. And yeah that’s pretty much it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Huh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Any fun facts?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Uhh you’re my girlfriend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: Have fun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: My turn umm, so I have a single father. A friend who has one leg and is very feisty when it comes to anything. I am 19 in this AU and am living by myself with my boyfriend, Wylan. I play the trumpet and I major in music. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Any fun facts, my son.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Oh, it says my friend's older brother likes to try to beat me up when I flirt with my friend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Sounds about right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: I would’ve done it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Why does that sound so true?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Good question, anyways Kaz your turn.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Yay. Umm, I’m still seventeen is this I have an older brother who is four years older than me. My best friend is a flirt and still gambles but it’s “family-friendly” and I don’t date anyone. I’m missing a leg due to a car crash that a drunk driver who turned out to be a teacher at my school committed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: Oof.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: That is more than an oof that is a crime.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: We commit those daily dad.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: I haven’t.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Oh yeah...any fun facts Kaz.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Yeah it says that I like to tell people random facts to get them to leave me alone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Sounds like you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: It does.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Yeah that’s pretty cool.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: My turn. Okay, Kuwei is my cousin in this. I have a boyfriend, I play the flute, and my dad hates me. And there are no fun facts. Wow. Okay sounds like people just left me the same or just didn’t have anything else to add.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Yeah it does sound like that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: So I guess we end it here, alright stay safe everyone, wear a mask, and if you want good advice on how to hide a body,</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Talk to your therapist sweethearts you don’t need to kill anyone but most of the time all therapists want you to do is write letters to the people who upset you, burn the people and keep the letters. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Oh cool I’m going to go get a therapist now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Now he wants therapy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Jordie: Inej, Kaz is simple, you tell him how to kill someone he will try the method out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Fair point. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>All the crows + Colm + Jordie: Goodbye hoes. </em>
  </b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Fuck, Marry, Kill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Crack ships</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jordie: Who has the note?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: I do...again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: That sucks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Yeah that just is bad luck.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: Is it an AU reaction or a ship?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz:...It’s a ship. But it’s the fuck, marry, kill. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Oof. What are they?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: They are labeled as crack ships.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Oh no.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: That does not sound safe.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Safe for my sanity. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: Most likely not.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Duly noted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: Okay let’s get this shit show on the road. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Agreed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Alright the choices, not people, are kruge, therapy, and my bed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie:...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: On no.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Why is that funny?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: Because it is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: How do I even choose between these? Like how do you marry therapy or kruge? Why would you do that? I am confused, why? Is this really a thing? </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Knowing the world...most likely.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: Oh god we contaminated him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Saint no!</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Oh boy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Okay, so I just pretend they are people with those names? Or does it say on the paper?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: I know you are checking right now, but who on earth would name their child “my bed” that sounds just wrong and dirty. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: So true. And umm, it says, “Rank the three choices from the one you love the most to least.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: That sounds easy enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: It’s Kaz, kruge goes first, and therapy is the last. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: You’re wrong Kaz would rather fall asleep in his bed than have kruge, but therapy would still last. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: It’s sad how you deduced that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: I have to agree. This is not good and Kaz needs therapy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Ok y’all quiet down, my bed is the one I love the most, kruge is second, and therapy is last. Reasons why, my bed is comfortable even though it isn’t a bed, kruge allows me to buy things and pay others and pay off taxes, don’t commit tax evasion the IRS knows where you live. Therapy is last because well it’s therapy it’s not that important. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias: The IRS….what?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordie: DOn’t ask and don’t question. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesper: Yea come on Matthias you know this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nina: It’s like the first rule in the book for working for Kaz.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inej: Wow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Colm: Agreed, Wylan, say the outro, my friend. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: Yesss, okay stay safe, wear a mask, and remember there is a type of squid specifically called a Bigfin Squid that can reach up to 26 feet long at least that’s how big the adolescents are, no full adult Bigfin has ever been discovered. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: Not only could they be bigger than we have estimated but we know next to nothing about them except that they live at the very bottom of the seafloor discovered that is 15,000 feet, I think that might be the number of feet one of them had been found. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan: Somehow you made it seem more creepy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaz: No, a certain image of a muscular Bigfin Squid did that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wylan:...Anyways. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>All the crows +Jordie and Colm: Goodbye hoes. </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is only going to be the formatting for the rating of ships, when we get to the Fuck, Marry, Kill chapters we will switch to a regular format. Sorry about that, by the way. Also, if you want to comment on ships to rate go ahead and comment. Also please don't take any of this to heart, I'm trying to embody the crows and what they would think of the ships.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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